Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I attended a family reunion, during which my grandma gave me "relationship advice" in front of everyone. She's been married five times, and her longest marriage lasted a whole 6 months. FML
Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML
Today, I witnessed my drunk grandmother attempting the Single Ladies dance, complete with hip gyrations and ass slapping. FML
Today, I was at a family gathering and during a lull in the conversation I started to tell a joke to lighten the mood. Halfway through, I realized the joke was incredibly inappropriate. The room fell silent, and my grandma hasn’t looked at me the same since. FML
Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML
Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND!" FML
Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML
Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt drunkenly confessed that she had once dated my dad in high school. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t laugh. I just stared at her for 10 minutes, processing how our family tree had now become a circle. FML
Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jbuckets_404 39
Sounds like everybody oughta be ashamed of Grandma instead! What business is it of hers or anybody else's about OP's choices in her social life? Being single isn't always a voluntary decision at times.... :-(
RichardPencil 32
How fat is she that half the family is required to lift her up?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (9)
jbuckets_404 39
Sounds like everybody oughta be ashamed of Grandma instead! What business is it of hers or anybody else's about OP's choices in her social life? Being single isn't always a voluntary decision at times.... :-(
nemcali 34
And there’s nothing to be ashamed of at being single. Surely better than being in an abusive or a crappy relationship.
prettyprincessla 5
Just for curiosity’s sake... how old are you?
RichardPencil 32
How fat is she that half the family is required to lift her up?
mssileas 25
IME if female relatives try to shame you into a relationship/marriage, it's because their own sucked and misery always wants company. Usually they can't deal with the prospect of another women just enjoying her freedom because that means she's not tied down to the hyena table of unhappily married women who actually despise their situation yet insist that everyone join them or be shunned as selfish and unloveable lmao. Internalized misogyny is a real b*tch. The time of financial and social dependency on a marriage for women is long gone, some people just have a hard time grasping that concept. I'd argue getting wasted at a family reunion before insulting people and passing out is more of a reason to be ashamed, but you know, different values here.
jbuckets_404 39
Get out much, do ya?
PhoenixChick 26
"You expressed an opinion relevant to this story with coherent and thought-out ideas. That is ...bad...for reasons...so I must insult you. But I myself dont' understand why I'm lashing out, so it will be the vaguest and least relevant insult ever. Something about how having an opinion and being a woman means you must be some sort of social pariah. Nailed it!"
tounces7 28
"The time of financial and social dependency on a marriage for women is long gone, " Lol, instead of men making enough to provide for a family, now we're all just equally poor and struggling. Thank you corporations for your part in feminism...
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Sounds like it’s time for you to choose your own family.