Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML
Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML
Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML
Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML
Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year-old girl, for my grandpa. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML
Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ilyuhms 0
my grandpa only watches tv and farts
Nolnah 14
Well, did you go over? What a dumb question of course you did. :p
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
lionpando 0
Can you give me the night of my life?
CryMoreFMLs 15
Can you be a little less ******* creepy #26?
KiddNYC1O 22
Can I get a hell yeah?!
sinking_fish 12
Stay away from them. They might attempt to... Dun dun dunnn.. TICKLE YOUR CHIN! D:
superpokgai123 0
Ur grandpas cool!
mynameispickle 0
Creepy....What did you do??
Zoranius 6
Tell your grandma!
meg882002 0
Ewwe gross lol
21jason 9
Well thanks giving should be nice and awkward
jackie232 0
omg that would suck so much and so werd
QueenPerrywinkle 1
"Hey grandpa" :/
perdix 31
Between the alcohol and failing vision of old age, I'll bet Grandpa saw a vaguely female form and started hitting on it. I'm surprised you could hear the comments over the violent thigh clapping.