Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML
Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants, and he screamed, "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML
Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML
Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML
Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML
Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML
Today, at physical therapy, even though I was wearing underwear, when I went on the leg press machine, my balls popped out of the bottom of my shorts. A bunch of times. The therapist saw. FML
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
If you had shouted "Praise the Lord", then everything would have been OK.
Happygofucky 0
You got off lucky, for realz. If that were me I would have let out a lot more than a squeal. Something along the lines of "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK", politely demonstrated by me today when my mother dearest slammed my toe in the car door :)
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Comments (217)
4Lonely2Stoner0 0
Just say you squealed because "god" was talking to you.
Night5h4d3 0
I he said that he would've been carted of for them to pump him full of happy drugs, because everyone knows god only talks to shepards and warriors and the like in the desert from about 100bc to about 1000ad....oh and the insane he talks to them a lot too XD
gotbiscuits 0
Your balls seem to be on the lose. Maybe you should consider wearing boxer briefs or just briefs?
BWill9014 4
Boners has nothing to say on this one?
RyanMacVey 17
hey
chickunkey 0
Ah, I see. Well that's a great way to spend a day.
182crazyking 9
Cool story bro. Pics or it never happened.
Dominodev 3
switch to tighty whities they will hold them up out of the way
PassTheDutch 0
No he said all but pissed him self. however if he would of the would of been a better FML. lol
Cazzybum 11
sucks that you crushed your balls, but YDI for going to church. Isn't your precious god omnipresent? Do you still believe in Santa and the tooth fairy and Easter bunny tooooo?
truthseeker1791 2
someones balls dropped
smhansen92 0
at least you were in church haha
bluebird5679 3
Silly Christian. :)
jj79242 0
people still go to church WTF?? dinosaurs ate Jesus 6.5 Billion years ago