Today, after waiting two hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after taking a massive shit, I flushed the toilet and it clogged. It flooded to the brim and the shit came rising to the top. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed some toilet paper and picked it up, ran to my balcony, and launched it. It landed on my neighbor's car. FML
Today, my landlord, due to a past of being an asshole and now enhanced with dementia, suddenly jumped down my throat for parking incorrectly in the driveway, because there's no room for their two cars. He hasn't had two cars in a year. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Today, I was on my couch when my landlord walked in. He asked what I was doing there. I responded with the same question. Apparently my roommate forgot to call me and tell me that our lease ended three days ago. I am now standing in the parking lot with all my belongings, and it is raining. FML
Today, after taking a shower, I realised that my landlord was peeking in the whole time through broken ventilator. Once he tried to get into my room, using his keys. I couldn't tell the landlord's wife, as I didn't have any proof so I left the house, even though my rent was long due. FML
Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend, who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML
Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML
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Top comments
icnburbbygrl 23
Did you answer the door with your pants around your ankles?
abhi95 31
Well I guess you don't have to pay the rent for a few months
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Comments (50)
toxicsauce 10
Holy shit... Literally
kittyfrozen 19
seems like every time 'that word' is mentioned, that comment gets downvoted
yahoowizard 16
No it's downvoted because it makes no sense. Maybe if a priest took a dump on OP the comment makes sense, literally, but in this case, no.
xx000o 27
shit happens.
katieemerr 15
It is a bit shit to be honest though..
Testing1234 25
did op at least finish taking a shit?
incoherentrmblr 22
Piece of Shit landlord...
icnburbbygrl 23
Did you answer the door with your pants around your ankles?
z3r0d4z3 22
With phone in hand, and toilet paper stuck on shoes. Complete the look!
Metagame 12
Not just the shoes.
LegendaryMant 4
What a shitty day.
VonBlitzkrieg 27
Nobody laughs at these any more.
9echo 17
HOLY SHIT! Can we stop ******** on FMLs with all these shitty "shit" comments? It's just starting to make my daily FML reading-time really shitty...
ami_me 10
.....shit!
abhi95 31
Well I guess you don't have to pay the rent for a few months
pimrol 16
or he gets sued for parking his car in the wrong place by his landlord. and then he loses all his money
Psychicgirl17 18
why would u assume OP parked in the wrong spot? maybe the landlord is a shitty driver. ever think of that?
niallo 23
The landlord hit a parked car. Unless it was parked in the middle of the road, it's the landlords fault. Even then, the landlord is moving, the parked car is not. I can't see how any fault can be placed on the OP.
jkmartinjk 16
I think 11 was making a situation that could possibly be spouted by the landlord so that he doesn't have to pay.
sweetest_jenn 18
That wasn't the only thing he backed.
Imaginefree66 4
What happened in the two hours?
Amanyyyyyy 29
Free rent for a few months? Edit- Someone beat me to it
abhi95 31
Don't you dare refer to me so casually woman
91hayek 31
Home is where you take the large grip-your-ankles, take-your-shirt-off, sweat-profusely professional dumps. Anywhere else are just amateur *****. I would hate your landlord forever for this simple slight.
ihavenolifehaha 16
What a shitty situation
peacheso 31
No. It was actually a sh*tless situation. Stop overusing these puns.