Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML
Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants, and he screamed, "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML
Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML
Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML
Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML
Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML
Today, at physical therapy, even though I was wearing underwear, when I went on the leg press machine, my balls popped out of the bottom of my shorts. A bunch of times. The therapist saw. FML
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
If you had shouted "Praise the Lord", then everything would have been OK.
Happygofucky 0
You got off lucky, for realz. If that were me I would have let out a lot more than a squeal. Something along the lines of "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK", politely demonstrated by me today when my mother dearest slammed my toe in the car door :)
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Comments (217)
perdix 31
Testicles are the Devil's balls. Jesus whacks them every chance He gets, and church is His home court.
samicna 4
that's what u get for going to church
boobyhill 0
what kind of man squeals loudly? YDI
ugliness 6
the kind that experiences sharp, unexpected pain in a nerve filled area
hcovballer247 0
That was a sign from god e_e
KiddNYC1O 22
Pray that your balls don't sag to your ankles.
nillakush1 3
lol now THAT sounds painful.
THEanusOFganus 0
hehehehe! u so funny, but that's why i cut the nerves out of my happy sack XD
Capt_Oblivious 10
Just tell them that you felt the spirit move you, then assume the fetal position and recover while they look on in awe.
ElementTruth 2
All but pissed your pants? So you can ****** from sitting now?
carcinogan 0
too bad prayers don't work!