Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML
Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants, and he screamed, "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML
Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML
Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML
Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML
Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML
Today, at physical therapy, even though I was wearing underwear, when I went on the leg press machine, my balls popped out of the bottom of my shorts. A bunch of times. The therapist saw. FML
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
If you had shouted "Praise the Lord", then everything would have been OK.
Happygofucky 0
You got off lucky, for realz. If that were me I would have let out a lot more than a squeal. Something along the lines of "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK", politely demonstrated by me today when my mother dearest slammed my toe in the car door :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (217)
darkmis1 18
90 and 107: No they don't.
udeservedthat 0
WBC? what's that? sorry for my stupidity......
Fuzzbump 5
Westboro Baptist Church
MyNameIsBruce 0
Cone on guys. Nobody is going to convert or give up religion just because you post something on FML. Give it a rest.
Javie30 0
Lord Have Mercy!!!!!!
SpilltMilk2 0
Two choices: claim it was the holy ghost and be put on a pedestal. Or claim it was a succubus and get exorcised.
dontstealmyshoes 0
hahahahahagahaha BEST
ScaughtieHolden 11
Pray for a third arm.
About3goats 0
haha church is a waste of time, it was prob the priest behind you trying for a reach around
IdontWanna69 8
That sucks, I would have squealed too, it's only natural for a man to do that when his balls have been sat on.
dynky 3
is that normal for men? every time you sit down you run the risk of ********-crushing? that seems like a major design flaw!