Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML
Today, my boss called to check if I was available for a last-minute meeting. Trying to sound professional, I sat up straight in my chair, only to forget I was sitting on a rolling chair with no lock. The chair slid back, I slipped off, and a loud crash echoed through the office. My boss asked if I was okay, and I tried pretending nothing happened. FML
Today, at work, I fell asleep. This is how I discovered that when I'm sleeping, and am scared awake by my boss with an air horn, I yelp louder than a terrier and piss my pants. FML
Today, bored to death, I tried to quietly leave a meeting early. The chair screeched loudly as I stood, and my badge fell off and skidded across the floor. Everyone stopped talking to watch me retrieve it before I awkwardly sat back down. FML
Today, I tried to sneak a yawn during a quiet meeting. Instead, I made a squeaking noise that sounded like a dying mouse. The meeting ground to a halt. Someone asked if I was OK. I was not. FML
Today, I joined a work call feeling confident, until my chair slowly sank mid-meeting. I tried to discreetly readjust, but the chair hissed and dropped me two inches every few seconds until only my eyes were visible above the desk. FML
Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML
Today, my boss stopped me mid-sentence, scowling and telling me to zip up my fly. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing if I hadn't been in the middle of giving a presentation to not only him, but his own boss and a company executive as well. FML
Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML
Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML
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Top comments
WearingHats 14
You must have some floppy ones.
zandalee 20
Moments like these I am so grateful to be a woman! Yes we have periods, lots of girlie-bit issues and all but, is it really that easy to sit on your own balls? Damn.
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Comments (194)
BaselxD 8
She male
Dblocker 18
It took your boss 5 minutes to tell you to shut the **** up? To be honest I would of cracked at like 15 seconds.
MichellinMan 20
HE SAT ON HIS GOD DAMN TESTICLES.
ydi_4_suking 20
but the gender says female...
NickyK 25
Obviously his boss has never experienced the true pain of sitting on your own testicles.
Dblocker 18
Ah damn I feel like a dick now I thought the FML said he was crying for 5 minutes now I see it says choking back tears.
HowAreYouToday 34
True pain is a metaphor.
CaptTeemo 10
I think his boss was telling him to shut up for 5 minutes, not notice after 5 minutes
JustMery 9
Would have*
TheStoryOfWazza 9
#37 yo face is a metaphor!
scrappy23 4
83, You annoy me.
TheStoryOfWazza 9
#92 I tired but i couldn't even pretend to care.
_Oblivion_ 12
God damn, how ******* hung are you?
AssassinsCRB 0
Oops
AssassinsCRB 0
Sitting on them isnt that bad... I got one of mine crushed while weight lifting and I didn't bitch for 5 minutes.
penguinsniper822 4
You obviously don't have normal testicles
junkman6 22
What 112 fails to mention was that he was lifting while on roids so he really had shriveled raisins.
sirsquab 12
My balls hurt from just reading the phrase "crushed by wright lifting."
walmartpaysme 15
First of all, his boss was TELLING him for five minutes. Second, I doubt he told his boss that he sat on his testicles while in a room full of people. His boss prolly had no idea what OP's problem was and probably thought he was being weird.
penguinsniper822 4
My balls now hurt
mpsteve137 15
It says you're a girl... But you have testicles...
windfuelsfire 10
Funny, cause you posted as a woman
akg98 13
Ouch
randomkayx3 11
What a dick. Can he seriously just tell you to stop ******* around?
snowboarder531 5
Yes. He can.
randomkayx3 11
But with such vulgar language? I didn't think that'd be allowed. I guess I just don't know much..
auzz1_pride 9
Welcome to the real world #6
randomkayx3 11
Yeah, well I know bosses can obvious tell you what to do. Still pretty messed up he just told him to stop ******* around. Poor balls of his.
auzz1_pride 9
That's what bosses are for, they get paid to sit on their ass and boss you around.
randomkayx3 11
That kind of sucks. I'm sort of scared to get older and have a job then.
littlemsweirdo 12
"Your scared to get older and have a job" Wtf?
littlemsweirdo 12
*you're Ha, grammar nazis! I corrected myself before you could. I know the goddamn difference between the your and you're !
GoldenGrizzly 7
Vulgar language? Really. Grow up.
WearingHats 14
She thinks of things in different perspectives man. You don't even know.
greenie213 23
Good grammar my ass! It's "obviously" 33! Not to mention a punctuation error! Grammar Nazi out!
auzz1_pride 9
68, my mother always told me, people mature at their own pace, don't tell someone to grow up as if it's a choice.
randomkayx3 11
Damn. I didn't think I'd get so much shit for this. I apologize for my ignorance guys. I do realize that the world is messed up. Don't have to slam me. And by "I'm scared to grow up and have a job." I just mean that I know that I'll have to learn how to deal with crap better. I'm not good at that. So go ahead thumb me down, I deserve it.
greenie213 23
Yes. Yes you do.
walmartpaysme 15
The key to being happy at work, 103, is to find something you enjoy. My fiancé finished college with a major in a field he loves. He now has a great job that he loves. Not all jobs are scary. You just have to find something you enjoy. The scariest types of jobs are customer service jobs. It's quite common to get yelled at for something that is not your fault. There is nothing that can be done because some people are never happy. So finish college and get a good job. Even if the job sucks the pay should be enough to support you. It's difficult to get anywhere in life with only a high school diploma. Not impossible, but difficult.
onlychildFTW 34
Bosses can say whatever they want to you basically. They are in charge.
Breaker132 8
2 things: 1) Sitting on your own balls? That takes a bit of skill. 2) Wait... girl with balls?
Dolgopiat 2
You have testicles and you are a woman, right?
BaselxD 8
Lolwut girl with balls
WearingHats 14
You must have some floppy ones.
muzy 23
Very perceptive #10. Tell me, did yoyou arrive at that conclusion all by yourself?
muzy 23
Sorry that was meant to be a response to #8. I got the numbers mixed up.
winnerme123 8
They should make a bra for testicles. That would help,
persianjr1 7
Brasticles ;D
syley 5
I believe it's called a cup
j4gerb0mblitz 6
There's briefs
Psych101 9
90- Compression shorts.
a_commenter 3
#108 Just make sure you don't have to duct-tape yours together in Walmart