Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
I think she just made you her bitch. Now go make her a sandwich.
perdix 31
Float like a butterfly Sting like a bee Now your balls Belong to a she.
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Comments (110)
TriflingAllDay 6
She's a fighter.
Syneriam 7
He should've pulled her aside instead of ignoring her. In a way he did deserve it, who knows what she was arguing about...
mylifesucks_fml 1
and obviously he deserved it considering he ignored her. doesn't he know that's the number one way to piss a girl off!?
PYLrulz 17
But of hedidnt ignore her, he probably would have gotten the same. Damned if he does, damned if he didnt
twisted_cherub 14
Yes, everyone who uses ignoring the other party as a tactic should get punched in the face. Hear that, guys? Now when your girlfriend gives you the silent treatment, you can punch her. Don't forget parents of teenagers. [SARCASM. All sarcasm. I do not condone violence in relationships, at all.]
PYLrulz 17
If he didn't* I really do hate my phone -_-
newbiehere99 6
The champ is here
doctorhook86 25
30: I downvoted you, but only for assuming that only women hate to be ignored. Ignoring someone is the ultimate disrespect, and it affects anyone, male or female.
saIty 17
I think she just made you her bitch. Now go make her a sandwich.
zachherbert 10
Extra turkey, whole wheat...
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
She gave him a sucker punch on the side. Boom.
mango260 9
And don't forget the mustard!
syki 22
I can't believe no one made a "knuckle sandwich" joke. Too 90s?
perdix 31
Float like a butterfly Sting like a bee Now your balls Belong to a she.
biggestfan23 11
Very nice
thatgirlinoregon 21
Float like a butterfly Sting like a bee Got decked in the face Now watch out for her knee
zachherbert 10
Float like a Butterfly Sting like a Bee Get punched in the Mouth Loose any teeth?
MindFreakazoid 10
These were all so beautiful! *applause* :D Float like a butterfly Sting like a bee His girlfriend just punched him Now OP's her fresh meat
thatgirlinoregon 21
Float like a butterfly Sting like a bee You look like a pussy Much to her glee
Calyx_fml 22
Float like a butterfly Sting like a bee Gonna make a big ol Ccccombo breaker. Whoopee!
mango260 9
40- you just killed it....
KeyboardWarrior 10
Float like a butterfly Sting like a bee My girlfriend just socked me Like Muhammad Ali.
G0v3nat0r 7
The first two or three of these were funny. The rest were just annoying.
MindFreakazoid 10
Yeah well **** you guys too .___.
br0ccoli 15
I hate to be a syllable nazi, but some of these poems really killed my laughgasm. It started feeling good, getting funny, reaching climax then someone had to rapid-fire cram lots of syllables. Or just made an ending that was too forced or that made no sense. The rhythm is everything, guys. Ugh. Disappointment.
Awahso 25
Both of you are ridiculous.
mango260 9
I agree they are both childish... and definitely needs to grow up. Violence (the punch) and non communication ( ignoring) doesn't sound like a good relationship... They should handle their agruements way better if they want it to last. I don't like violence and doesn't matter if the female did it. Very unacceptable behavior!
Blacksxe 1
Well of course your friends clapped. They don't want to get hit with that. She doesn't care about your face so obviously she won't care about theirs.
saIty 17
Haha Kevin Hart is one funny dude.
SamanthaCassieL 10
Totally just gonna say that.. Lmao
FYLDeep 26
I'd clap too. I wouldn't want her to rain down on me with a haymaker. That's a no win situation.
saksxalmo 20
Now, if OP were a girl and it was her boyfriend who hit her, it would be called abuse... I would break up with her if I were you, OP.
HaileyBeth16 1
He ignored her.. For his own selfish reason instead of at least trying to work it out.. He deserved it!
the17doctor 12
if you honestly deserve that then you deserve an abusive boyfriend. i could justify it but yoire clearly a bitch yourself
KeyboardWarrior 10
So if my girlfriend ignores me I can hit her with a right hook? By your logic, she deserves it...
ferrousWheel 6
Shut up 16. Would you be saying OP deserves it if the genders were reversed? That kind of reaction is NOT okay. It's abuse.
LadyTorako 7
I kinda see both sides. He shouldn't have been a dick, and she shouldn't have punched him. Who punches, anyway? She couldn't slap him? Or better yet, key his car or break his Xbox or something equally painful?
menacingsprite 3
It's abuse no matter who punched who I agree.
doctorhook86 25
Ignoring somebody is also emotional abuse. We don't know what the argument was about, but suffice it to say these two need to end their relationship immediately, because at least one of them has some serious growing up to do. I'm looking at you, OP.
ninjapuffy 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Girl power!!!
xXxIracebethxXx 14
That's not girl power, that's being a dramatic bitch.
Drizzelhell 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Thats what you get for ignoring her asshole!
xXxIracebethxXx 14
I would ignore the bitch, too. Even more if she punched me. Besides, if you were to switch the roles, everyone would pounce on the OP's boyfriend for being abusive, blah blah blah...
BeforeItWasCool 12
No, that's what he gets for dating a crazy bitch.
KiddNYC1O 22
12- He must not like anal.
alphaskater09 9
LOOK AT THAT DAMN KITTY!!!!!!