Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent ages prepping, chopping, bagging and freezing lots of fruits and veggies for my mom. I also bought her a juicer and alkaline water to help combat some of her health issues. I walked into the kitchen to see her mixing her juice with vodka and rum instead of the water. FML
Today, I was told I'm lazy by my boyfriend because I skipped work. He skips his all the time and when I get home still have to cook and clean up after him. FML
Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML
Today, my physician, a known drunk himself, told me I was drinking too much and I should quit before my kidneys decide to divorce me and take the house and car with them. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML
Today, after I finally recovering from being ill, my husband complained about the house being messy, that I needed to clean up after myself. I filled 2 large tote bags with his stuff laying around the house, and one small stack of medical bills for me. It took me hours to clean. But I'm the messy one. FML
Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TonyGoCapitals 0
Wow what an asshole no prune intended
SkoomaKi 28
Put Viagra in that prune juice and see who's laughing.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (97)
TonyGoCapitals 0
Wow what an asshole no prune intended
reallytho3 11
You deserve a gold star for that one lol
zachherbert 10
Let me bowel down to you sir.
mollysticks 10
Prune juice....ew
Calyx_fml 22
Prune juice It makes your bowels loose
ohmylanta22 5
Failllllllll
Blacksxe 1
Earning that pay check one shitty wipe at a time.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Solution: Butt plug.
youjustmademelol 4
Prune juice, an old mans beer
gurly98 13
Yowza
zachherbert 10
Baaziing
beautifulbeau 4
What a shitty situation.
TriflingAllDay 6
Im sure you were uninformed, so I will take the liberty. This comment is not allowed to be used as a joke anymore.
aleeshttylXD 9
shitgasm
perdix 31
#11, the only thing wrong with #8's comment is the omission of the *lowers sunglasses* Now, it's perfect! Thumbs up!
Calyx_fml 22
And a duckface too!! Noob.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Why are you all so unnecessarily harsh? Sounds like there's some personal issues.
BeforeItWasCool 12
Welcome to the Internet. Leave your feelings at the door.
SkoomaKi 28
Put Viagra in that prune juice and see who's laughing.
starsfan_9 7
You don't want to see the kind of mess that results from Viagra and a jerk like that
rcgirl2 11
But if they found out that OP did it, he could lose his job.
KiwiExchange 16
What an inconsiderate prick. Since he's not the one cleaning it up and working hard, it's easy for him to just make the mess and give shit.
MindFreakazoid 10
I see what you did there :D
br0ccoli 15
Time to start wiping with wet cloths laced with alcohol.