Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML
Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML
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Top comments
alex1432 9
Well try using more than just your hands??
lilbeast0327 3
wow u must really suck
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Comments (343)
debatingalways 0
sorry but, HOW can you mess that up? it's really not that hard (pun intended)
Snafuusmc 12
I guess you saw that coming?
TaylorTotsYumm 10
I don't think she saw anything coming.
brii143 3
a few days ago I gave my boyfriend a hand job for the first time ever too, except he came after like 2 minuets. hmmm so either you are terrible, my boyfriend is easily satisfied, or your boyfriend has problems(:
dfens 8
He was likely thinking of someone else.
tayza249 20
2 minutes? Wow, you're gonna have fun in bed..
monagro 22
So many girls are horrible at giving handjobs. DOn't worry about it.
ChiddyBANGr 13
When your hands dont get it hard, slurp it like a tub of lard. I have no idea wtf i just said -_-
premiermois 5
That is the worst mental image of a ******* that I have ever read. Leave the analogies to somebody else.
gingerlr 0
I'm guessing the "you deserved it" votes are mostly guys lol
pitchblease 2
107- it's because we have to settle, this is how the conversation goes: Boy: "wanna do it?" girl: "not in the mood" boy:"well can I at least get a BJ?" girl: "I'm not putting my mouth on that!" boy: "well how about a handy" girl: "will you stop then?" boy: "sure" see the chain, FYI, next one down is a peepee touch.
Discombobulated9 12
He should have told you how he wants it done if you wasn't doing it right for him, or at least just said that giving a hand job does nothing for him. He's clearly not experienced in the arts of smex.
edteach 0
that's so sad... why do ladies think handjobs are acceptable... a guy could do that for himself, don't even have to waste $$ on a date or waste more then 5 minutes of time, at least a ******** if your feeling frisky or just say no so I can go beat off...
Rwcrazy 0
He must be gay, any guy loves hand job, ********, anything that will get a girl to touch his dick. The longer the better