Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML
Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML
Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
Today, after going on a blind date with a man I'd met on Facebook, we went back to his apartment. All was going good, until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You just have to understand Internet dating lingo. "Tall handsome man" means "short ugly freak". "Hot blonde" means at least 350 pounds. And when they actually admit to being freaky, run.
lhazz11 23
Sounds like he wouldn't need to worry about the condoms, he isn't getting laid anyways.
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Comments (161)
cieloalicia 16
Damn, the conversation got all the way to condoms before you got completely scarred off?
xxlizsandraxx 7
what if he said it all at once?
hooligyn123 18
...The internet dates you?
AmethystRain 20
You made a poor decision in picking this person so let's blame "internet dating" instead of taking responsibility for your own choices. You're just as likely to meet a weirdo at a bar, at the grocery store, or even at church. The internet has nothing to do with it.
jem970 19
True but a dating site is like honey to a fly.... There are a lot of creepers but I agree. There is just as many.... interesting people to meet if you bar crawl to find your soulmate.
EvilUndead 9
You can fake photo and personal data on dating profile easily. In real life pretending to be someone else is much harder.
theleahsaurus 7
sounds like christian grey
ligerzero459 24
Don't know why you're getting downvoted. It describes him pretty well
Ryodin 11
Because nothing really says disease free like "please pee on me."
katties 27
Pee is usually sterile - there's a VERY small chance of catching anything from it
Wizzlbang 10
It's very easily contaminated though. So as long as it's straight from the tap, it should be fine. Still pretty gross, though. Especially since I used the phrase 'straight from the tap'. god, what is wrong with me...
scr_sensei 14
What a pissant.
Lizardgirl 7
Docbastard sounds pissed off
ThatPlankton 15
R Kelly is using dating sites now?
ckcortez 10
Aww, beat me to it!
KainMoogle 21
He said R.Kelly, not Chris Brown
ckcortez 10
I see what you did there.. ;)
dilley86 4
R Kelly is a business man now?
speedyw03 6
Not sure if he's doing this as a joke…
Wizzlbang 10
Have you seen some of those okcupid listings? some ******* nutjobs on there.