Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML
Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML
Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
Today, after going on a blind date with a man I'd met on Facebook, we went back to his apartment. All was going good, until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You just have to understand Internet dating lingo. "Tall handsome man" means "short ugly freak". "Hot blonde" means at least 350 pounds. And when they actually admit to being freaky, run.
lhazz11 23
Sounds like he wouldn't need to worry about the condoms, he isn't getting laid anyways.
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Comments (161)
\ 28
Sounds like you've dated a Vulcan with urolagnia and a strong distaste for safe sex.
perdix 31
I don't see where his claims conflict with the new facts you learned about him. A tall, handsome business man may easily enjoy being peed on than a short, ugly unemployed person of indeterminate gender. The "not having emotions" part is certain to be an asset in business!
zaylazayn 12
It's true!
boredguyyy 10
Like David Chapelle once said: I wanne pee on you! Drip drip drip..
KCLASSEH 8
Sounds like my bf only he's not a businessman
kathbutter 12
your boyfriend sounds charming
_DudeGuy_ 16
Op, urine luck! Peeing on someone is the best way to get in the mood!
_DudeGuy_ 16
Shit! I made a "Urine luck" pun down below before reading this!
then000bster 16
Hey! He is a business man, at least he isn't piss poor like the rest of us.
alycion 39
Even prostitutes would run from this guy. The scary thing is, if you subscribe to the theory there is someone for everyone, some girl is going to be into this. Hope he finds her soon to get him out of the dating pool.
TheCutestLizard 28
Are you a prostitute?
Rababco 29
@26 It's a win-win, he gets the girl of his dreams and no one else makes the same mistake that OP did.
karlcolt45 19
well of course he doesn't do condoms! where would more weirdos come from if he did? plus it would fill up with the pee...uncomfortable amount of warmth
chanellgymnast 17
Sounds like you've been catfished.