Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML
Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML
Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
Today, after going on a blind date with a man I'd met on Facebook, we went back to his apartment. All was going good, until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You just have to understand Internet dating lingo. "Tall handsome man" means "short ugly freak". "Hot blonde" means at least 350 pounds. And when they actually admit to being freaky, run.
lhazz11 23
Sounds like he wouldn't need to worry about the condoms, he isn't getting laid anyways.
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Comments (161)
bosox17 6
Throw him out the door
cmac86 24
what business is he in, anyway?
Jharrist89 12
Have you seen the movie "American Psycho"? Nuf said!
Inked0803 12
Pof never a good idea bud.
maronofhearts 19
Of course he is a business man his business is getting peed on and he's looking for you to invest a golden shower
ulquiorra102 10
...i don't know about you guys, but I'm still stick on "likes to get peed on"
Wimoweh 10
Holy extended prospectus of weewee paronomasias, batman!
mikepzz 27
Because Crohn's disease can also cause nearly uncontrollable unrination..
Coeliacchic93 21
No it's a an inflammatory bowel disease nothing to do with the urinary tract, I'm suspected to have Chron's and I have never had an issue with my bladder.
c4rpi0 20
You sure know how to pick em
Bcfrmkc816 17
You really can't blame Internet dating on that. You can have the same chance picking one up anywhere. You just happened to get one of the ones that make the rest of us decent hard working single guys that much harder to get a date. I have read of people even getting hooked up with dates like that thru pay dating sites. I am sure you will find the right man for you and he will be a normal guy if I can say it that way. Good luck and don't let one bad apple ruin the rest for you.