Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML
Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML
Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
Today, after going on a blind date with a man I'd met on Facebook, we went back to his apartment. All was going good, until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You just have to understand Internet dating lingo. "Tall handsome man" means "short ugly freak". "Hot blonde" means at least 350 pounds. And when they actually admit to being freaky, run.
lhazz11 23
Sounds like he wouldn't need to worry about the condoms, he isn't getting laid anyways.
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Comments (161)
DocBastard 40
Lizardgirl, that's a piss-poor attempt at trolling. If I were truly pissed, I'd unleash a stream of profanity.
iwadasn 33
I'm sure there was more of a description than that. Do you expect her to put his entire profile into the FML?
Xotoolyxo 16
This made me laugh, sorry OP. don't give up though, there has to be one sane person on that website
Kk_Waylen24 21
He likes getting peed on? Haha umm..
MzJnicc 10
gross...
finch01 18
tell him no glove no love...
mkcherry 14
Maybe he absolutely wasn't interested in you and wanted to scare you away? i cant imagine someone really being this bizarre and socially inept.
karmabyproxy 5
Let me guess. pof.com?
nicolemadden 11
That s what you get for dating people from the internet :D.
HeartForMusic 23
Sounds a bit like Patrick Bateman. American Psycho, anyone?