Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML
Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML
Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML
Today, after going on a blind date with a man I'd met on Facebook, we went back to his apartment. All was going good, until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
You just have to understand Internet dating lingo. "Tall handsome man" means "short ugly freak". "Hot blonde" means at least 350 pounds. And when they actually admit to being freaky, run.
lhazz11 23
Sounds like he wouldn't need to worry about the condoms, he isn't getting laid anyways.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (161)
_DudeGuy_ 16
Op, he doesn't do condoms.... He does you. *Cue Bow chicka wow wow music*
pnutbutternjelly 15
Honestly, what did you expect? There's usually a reason people report to online dating sites to meet people.
xTrepidation 14
I used to think that way about online dating too, I never thought it could work. I was proven wrong when my mom found her current husband of 7 years online. You're just as likely to meet a weirdo through regular dating as you can on the internet.
Zebediabolical 45
I disagree completely. It's much easier to hide being a weirdo on an internet dating site than it is in the usual offline methods of meeting people. Your mom is just one of those people who skews the curve and makes everyone think it's safe!
graphicstyle7 17
I totally disagree.
squideth 18
Online dating is safe if you're cautious and know what you're doing...just like real life. I've met some amazing people online. Just like I've met some horrible creeps in real life. But you only hear the horror stories of online dating, so of course you'd think that it's all bad. Open up your mind a bit.
Arcadiaaa 12
It was hard for me to meet people and I met my man on the internet and we are now actually engaged and VERY happy :).
pandaeatworld 5
If...if you found out thing 1 and thing 2.... Why were you still around to find out thing 3?!
ordonblade46 3
Online dating gets what you want about as much as McDonald's gets your order right
anyoldnamewilldo 23
Well, at least he put it all out there on the first date. He must be an amateur. A pro wouldn't disclose those gems until later. Sorry OP.
xTrepidation 14
I wonder why he didn't list his interests on his dating profile! Seems like a real ladies man with those qualities.
natashaapickle 8
At least it wasn't a fat lesbian like it usually is on "catfish"
katties 27
Oh, business man, I guess you should expect him liking golden showers then :P But really, from my mom's experience, there are few people on dating sites, unfortunately, that don't have some strange quirk. I really think they should be honest and go on a site for women who actually like that kind of kinky instead of scaring women who, most likely, aren't into such things.
peachykeenLNG 13
This does suck, but in some part YDI, just for expecting to meet someone normal from the internet. For a lot of people there are big reasons they have to resort to internet dating... unpopular fetishes and emotional constipation included
Giluh 19
Sounds like a pissy situation. Yes. I totally went there and more ;)