Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML
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Top comments
scb197 0
#2, have you never passed out before? takes a damn nuclear blast to wake up.
tendollabill 0
well you sure got nice friends....
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Comments (69)
tendollabill 0
well you sure got nice friends....
Cupcaken 0
listen, a vacuum hickey looks NOTHING like a Real one
JazzHandsFML 28
oh there's a typo, there aren't.these majiggers around "friends"
adelaide_evening 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
How did you not wake up from the strong suctioning sound of the vacuum inches from your face or the actual suctioning sensation?
davidgclarkjr 6
Passed out drunk*
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
#2 If you are passed out drunk, you aren't going to feel or hear anything.
TurboKill1 0
Dang, you must be some kind of heavy sleeper, turtleneck time?
Perplexed_Aris 16
The poor guy was passed out drunk. He couldn't feel or hear anything.
scb197 0
#2, have you never passed out before? takes a damn nuclear blast to wake up.
lkm0512 0
i feel your pain. alcohol can suck sometimes.
woody_fml 0
Dude, how wasted were you that you couldn't hear the vacuum cleaner? Unless it's an incredibly quiet vacuum cleaner. I'd do it to you again if it's this easy, and cover your whole body with them. ;-P
taytay3696 0
idontget what woody talkin bout.but you a heavy sleeper!lol.thats kinda sad..but i mean tell her the truth what else.and like they said TURTLENECK TIME :P
Zuriel45 0
Always remember to take the shoes off.
jumper_fml 0
1. ice it 2. use a brush and massage the area 3. stretch out your skin, and very painfull use a quarter to spread out the blood under the skin 4. ice it will be all red but it makes the hickey go away
SamuraiDeli 0
Your fault for being so drunk you passed out.