Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
BlkBryMolasses 0
Crabs doesn't always come from sexual contact. Crabs are lice, I got crabs from infested bedsheets/towels in a hotel. Chill out before blaming your wife.
haggle 2
It didn't say she was a virgin, so she could have had it before they were together.
kalbrek009 20
Well, either she picked them up from a public toilet cause she didn't use the ass-gaskets provided or she sees no problem in sleeping around. My ex GF's friend called her one time to tell her that the guy she cheated on me with was angry about getting crabs from her...she got them from him & gave them to me...so I got rid of them & her.
philly215 0
Oh no.... Sorry.... That's not right
lebronsucks 3
Crabs you can eatem if you want
dj2013 6
Leave her.....
stevenmx86 8
You can get crabs from other things dumb ass..
LadyReptar 0
She is clearly cheating on you
Busty_Britt 4
well now she will have a reason to shave her snatch
blacksswan 10
Don't be so quick and jump to the conclusion. You don't just catch that from someone. You can catch it many other ways so do some research before you blame her.