Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
aiden1980 5
What a loser, try before you buy!
H00SIERBOY 0
Divorce??
ashhxoxo 14
"don't let anyone tell you shaving your pubic hair will get rid of crab infestation!" Words of wisdom from Mrs. Man. Thanks scary movie. :)
BighornB 0
Sounds like she likes to get around, grab some butter OP and dig in.
essex 17
I feel like being "diagnosed" with crabs is the wrong way to phrase it. It won't kill you. Stop at the pharmacy and have a long talk with the missus. Count yourself lucky: my stepfather got crabs in his eye after a friend of his borrowed his underwear and returned them without washing them first. Stepdad scratched his junk, then rubbed his eye, and wound up in a medical journal.
sharleerose 4
IF I were to let someone use my underwear, I'd let them keep the underwear. Much less wear them if I did take them back especially if I didn't wash them myself! I guess it's a little different for girls but still there's so much wrong with what you said. Smh.
caligirl1623 5
At least it is pretty easy to get rid of!!! You're lucky she doesn't have AIDS or something worse!
NotFromUSA 6
Common misbelief: crabs (pubic lice) cannot be spread through contact with toilet seats and rarely with an infested person's bed linens, towels, or clothes. Shave! Sorry mate.
qazaq 1
That's cool you waited, it's rare for guys to have that kind of commitment nowadays, it really sucks your wife didn't do the same = / fyl
bullrider92 19
What makes you think you got them from her?Ignorance?There are many non sexual ways to catch crabs.If I were you,I would be saying sorry and checking where I have been.Unless of course you caught her cheating too.Then just kick her ass to the curb.
dmyers60 7
who invited crabs to the party??? oh yea your wife did