Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
skyeblue82 5
you can get crabs in other ways besides sex. don't blame her yet
horseracingjocey 0
you realize you can get crabs from sitting on public toilet seats right? it's not an STD
misashleigh88 5
M
misashleigh88 5
Maybe you got them from a public washroom and your wife has nothing to do with this.....,,
miyu01 6
Hmmmmm, how ironic that this exact story was on a tv show last night...... I CALL SHANNANAGONS!!!!!!
aerogxt 7
Allow me to applaud you for being so moral and pure. Sorry about the result but at least some people still know what it means to wait for marriage.
RokNRoll11 9
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
MROMRO 0
That's why you both get tested before you get serious. If you're clean and she's not, it may hurt for a little bit when you leave her, but STD's can hurt a lifetime.
Chrispayne 4
Ur wife is a ****
Someofthisisfunn 0
So how did you get them????? Let me think..... You married a ho!!!