Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
dmw25 0
I feel bad for you, like on a scale of 1-10 thats higher then a 10!
arnf 0
Public toilet seats touching ur wang
KrisNico03 4
Oh damn, that sucks. I hope you didn't get it from her. LOL @ 241
LuvTiffy143 0
uhmm howw is this a bad thing if u only had sex with ur wife, atleast u have a sex partner damn. lol
hollywoodjjd 0
you bought your mattress from a hooker huh?
Nexus_surgeon 7
wow wow wow.... just only one Question...How old r u ?
max13_fml 8
wife=*****
twreckstwrecks 1
waa waa waaaa
rawrcortlin 2
Crabs can be easily removed, they live in hairy environments. Aka your pubes. You can get them from toilet seats. Your wife isn't a hoe.
EireGoBragh 1
Just so you know, crabs are in no way a purely sexually transmitted disease. Unlike things like herpes and gonorrhea, crabs actually can be caught from things like sharing towels, blankets, etc. When my father was in the marine corps, his entire platoon caught crabs because of an infestation in the blankets.