Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
imagleek42 4
But what has ur wife doing?:/
FluffyBeard 0
Crabs belong on a beach. Not on you.
SpazTheGreat 14
You all realize that crabs are not an STD, right? They are BUGS, not a DISEASE, BIG DIFFERENCE. You aren't "diagnosed" with them.... And they aren't permanent. And yes, shaving your pubes will help you get rid of them, and will help you keep them away. FML has been invaded by 13 year olds who know absolutely nothing about the world, and make up stories to get attention.
bipolarbaby 0
Well we no one word she better not use to describe how pissed u are....but people are right...talk to her because it could have come from somewhere else...only things is she shoulda known about it first right?
Cmcnab1997 0
That sounds crabby
scarletfaux 0
Crabs are not always reviewed through sexual contact. You can them pretty much anywhere. But it does sound fishy. I apologize that your wife is so... Shellfish.
briannajm 9
Toilet seat ?
haleyaubrey1 0
Well u know who you got it from
caityk87 2
You can get that from a public bathroom sry tho
AaliyahMorgan143 5
Ewwww crabs :&