Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
Kodiakzach 0
Could be worse, she could have never had them before.
Tsui 0
Ouch... Fyl.
teenage_messup 0
Shave your downstairs and you won't have to worry about crabs x]
juanitad 3
Basically what i just read online is yes you can get rid of a bunch by shaving your happy area or should i say itchy area....but you also need to treat it with lice treatment......and all of you that are telling this poor guy that he got it from a toilet seat are wrong but if he borrowed pants recently he could have gotten them that way......bottom line is SHAVE until you are bald and then still treat. Good Luck and I would ask your wife about this shit.
Kimbi82 0
Emodude44 ... I think I love you ...
Kimbi82 0
And Jobsman99 ... You are awesome. Lol
Child0fthecity 0
you can totally get crabs from other things. my friends parents got crabs from their hotel room bed when they were on their honey moon in europe.
Damajae 0
Next time you better watch yourself
shades1989 6
Lucy you have some splainin to so
Kal89 0
She should have told you she had crabs I would divorce her