Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I found out the coworker I was seeing gave me the clap. She resigned two weeks ago and isn’t answering her phone. I can’t blame my wife because she was a virgin when we got married, and has only been with me. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Sounds fishy...wait that was a lame pun. That sucks though man.
ashyxlynn 3
you do realize you can get crabs other ways than just sex right?
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Comments (261)
drewag86 0
Lice and crabs are the same thing. The only difference is location. Either one of you could of gotten them from numerous locations
shay1813 0
Lol I get it now, sorry
Porshia 0
Smfh, dude that's bad
buuuuuuuuuub 0
" I got crabs from the toilet seat at meijer, I got crabs from the toilet seat at meijer. " lol. that sucks though
XxAlex69xX 0
You can get crabs from a public bathroom
jburkes 12
You've only ever had sex with your wife?
kaykay20 0
Keep in mind you can catch crabs from a public bathroom toilet seat or shaking hands with someone who has them so careful in the men's restroom and careful not to spread them.
juanitad 3
You are an idiot....how the hell do you get crabs by shaking someones hand? I dont think the average person shakes someones hand and then scratches their ball sack. And if so that is just ******* nasty.
amoyer95 4
Even tho this situation sucks, Props for saving yourself for your wife. That's beautiful=)
squid6367 0
Ummm thats not the only way to get crabs it can be as simple as sitting on a couch soooo yah
lmfb07 0
Sluttt