Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML
Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML
Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML
Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
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Top comments
kracker9017 0
I heard stabbing them with a fork was the most effective approach
coolness_fml 0
checking his messages isnt creepy stalker ex gf type shit
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Comments (113)
thepokeduck 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I hope you used a condom, lol. No seriously though. Hookups with strangers are okay, as long as you're careful.
earthruler 0
Yea just to let you know, condoms dont prevent crabs or herpes in any way. They are transferred through skin to skin contact
zac12345 0
she realizes it, thus the hope, which I'm assuming means that it wouldn't matter but it helps for children and all. learned context clues in 2nd grade amirite?
grobo555 0
"Hookups with strangers are okay," if you're a *****.
HenryFBP 0
Do you even ******* know what crabs are? I mean, holt jumping fuckballs, I'm twelve and I already know that condoms don't protect against crabs.
subiedude08 17
Your an idiot you can still get crabs even if u have a condom on
Crimson_Summer 10
#113 Yes, but it's less likely if it was used correctly. 'The only 100% preventive method is abstinence!' xD
fknhoe 16
#113 you're* hate to be that guy but you're a tad hypocritical :)
2random 0
i hope u catch everything , u deserve it !
Soniye 14
Gee.. I guess everyone must "deserve it and catch everything" for having sex ... Seriously bro (miss) ? Grow up ..
InfiniteSecret 20
They deserves it because they went through the persons phone without their knowledge or consent
Miss_Whipped 43
Not necessarily, but she did screw the guy and then go through his facebook messages afterward. She should've at least had a conversation with him about it beforehand and also respected his privacy.
MissMoonshine 0
well that sucks about the crabs, but srsly... if you want a partner, learn how to respect their privacy!
runmymouth 0
...well he WAS a random guy.
SEXMUFFIN21 0
key word: "RANDOM"
d_k_n_y_23 0
Was his name Chad?
kracker9017 0
I heard stabbing them with a fork was the most effective approach
lifeliketexture 0
Maybe you should have paid attention in 6th grade sex ed class.
jjluv456 11
I just finished taking that
cherry26272627 6
So why are you on fml then?
23lf 16
I hope you are kidding
Ultimate_Batman 28
i never had sex ed in 6th grade
gqduck 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You should tie your tubes immediately... just in case.
avril2nite 2
How can tying your tubes help you not get crabs? You make no sense.
coolness_fml 0
checking his messages isnt creepy stalker ex gf type shit