Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML
Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I had to go get my fiancé's car so it wouldn't get impounded after he was arrested at 12 a.m. and charged with a felony. I just got out of prison in March, and we get married next week. FML
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML
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Top comments
blobzorz 0
this is a huge ydi. don't drive drunk idiot
Nakedsquirrel 5
Go to ******* hell, OP. Here's hoping you wind up with your head inside a tree trunk sooner or later. Two of my friends have died thanks to people like you.
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Comments (173)
GodBarack 5
This isn't even funny. Not even the bit at the end, the fact that you were driving while drunk takes every bit of humor out of this.
txdiva 0
Totally agree with snickerdoodle!!!
causeimfly 0
That sucks hella bad. Fyl for sure.
texas_justice 0
...anyone who drinks alcohol or uses drugs is at risk for this behavior. i dont think i need to explain why. so, that's a pretty long list of people to hate. good luck with all that hating.
marcuspach 0
using drugs? ok to some extent yes, but for pot smoking..... nah!
crackiebob 0
stoned driving is a lot harder to do than drunk driving.
texas_justice 0
@35 ...pot makes you a better driver? get real. does it make you smarter too? does it help you lose weight? ...getting high is all about self-improvement, right?
uxoriouswidow 0
Yeah maaaan, pot has no side-effects whatseover duuude.
crackiebob 0
it makes driving fun
andrysb24 5
at least she was nice enough to pick you up
GodBarack 5
Are you insane?! I hope that was a joke (I'm pretty sure it would be.)
amymarie13 0
j
amymarie13 0
snicker doodles how old are you 12? you probably can't drive. I got a dui for having a .07 bac. you can still get duis without being over the legal limit your license just doesn't get suspended. that's not my point my point is you're all being assholes who knows what this guys BAC was he couldve been pulled over for not using his signal like me and getting a DUI. the guy didn't kill anyone lay off him.
crackiebob 0
no shit she needs to chill
Nakedsquirrel 5
You might not kill anyone being twice over the legal limit, either; that doesn't make it okay, idiot.
crackiebob 0
do you people even drink? now and agian your going to drive drunk, it's going to happen. lay off the man.
marcuspach 0
you need to get laid snickerdoodle, or smoke some ganja!
crackiebob 0
see once agian women shouldn't drive
whataloadofbull 0
Snickerdoodles has a legitimate point but again, I think we get it yo. Calm the crap down.
professoroak 0
cosign
letitbe56 0
"do you people even drink? now and agian (sic) your (sic) going to drive drunk, it's going to happen. lay off the man." Yo asshole, if you know you have to drive home, the answer is DON'T DRINK, not "Oh well, I'm going to drive drunk now and again, so it might as well be now." There is nothing good about people like you who are casual about driving drunk. Nothing good. I sincerely hope you wake up before you kill someone, or you yourself die (like my uncle).
talaina 2
I drink. I have never and will never get behind the wheel of a car while intoxicated. Being in college I know plenty of idiots who take a similarly-casual approach to drinking and drinking/driving, but there's a reason it's against the law. It's because people get KILLED. Maybe not every time, but often, and when you're drunk and your judgment and coordination is impaired you have very little say over whether it will be THIS time.
idkweird 0
Agreed with Talaina. I drink. Not often, but I do. I drink responsibly, though. If I get drunk, someone else drives me home. Usually, I only have one or two and then it's hours later before I get behind the wheel. I'm very sensitive to alcohol, so if I can feel even the tiniest bit in my system, Im not driving. My group of friends used to be the type who thought they drove better drunk. That is, until almost every one of them got a DUI. They're a lot smarter now and, if we're somewhere and they get drunk, they usually let ME drive them home. I'm Designated Danika! I'm totally ok with that, too. I'd much rather have my friends safe than taking the chance of driving under the influence.
Shae84 0
Damnit. Snicker ALMOST got in an accident.
crackiebob 0
no not really
amymarie13 0
I never said anything about being twice over the legal limit. he couldve been driving after one drink having a .04 bac which is fine because you don't start feeling effects until .05. I'm just saying maybe you shouldn't tell him to go die without knowing the whole situation.