Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML
Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I had to go get my fiancé's car so it wouldn't get impounded after he was arrested at 12 a.m. and charged with a felony. I just got out of prison in March, and we get married next week. FML
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML
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Top comments
blobzorz 0
this is a huge ydi. don't drive drunk idiot
Nakedsquirrel 5
Go to ******* hell, OP. Here's hoping you wind up with your head inside a tree trunk sooner or later. Two of my friends have died thanks to people like you.
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Comments (173)
trizzieb 0
59) At fault? Legally? Always.
professoroak 0
snickerdoodles that may be the dumbest comment i have ever seen. "You are a bastard and a murderer". im not sure if you know what a murderer is but im pretty sure in order to fit that description you have to murder someone? stop being retarded.
professoroak 0
you are still retarded snickerdoodle
sparxva 12
It sounds like you need a little help figuring out that whole "cause -> effect" relationship thing. Time to ask for help...
Shae84 0
Is it just me or is Snickerdoodles the snottiest little know-it-all teenager on FML? Everytime I see her horse face on here I cringe.
fxdxhk90 0
She's just an obnoxious moron that likes to come to this site to troll, hence her illogical nasty comments. This site would be better if people just ignored her stupidity.
idkweird 0
elle39: The only time I can think of where it didn't include driving, is if the person was in the car. That's why people say that if you're going to take a nap in your car, put your keys in the trunk. As long as you don't have the means to drive, i.e your keys, then they can't arrest you. They can't give you a DUI for being in your house, though. The abbreviation is very clear, "Driving Under the Influence," or "Driving While Intoxicated." It has to have some type of vehicle involved. Maybe you just heard the news stories wrong, or you could have misinterpreted them.
saintlos 0
isn't apartment complex a private area, including the driveways? In that case, I'd check the DUI laws in your state - it is likely to limit the DUIs to public roads only.
idkweird 0
I don't think the parking lots/spots are private property. Wisconsin is an Implied Consent state, which says that if you operate a vehicle, you are consenting to sobriety testing. Also, if someone called the OP in for driving erratically around the parking lot, the police would have cause to be there. When Ive lived in apartment/condo complexes, the police would drive through to patrol, often. That's just where Ive lived, though. Ive never been in a gated complex, though. There could be different laws to that.
idkweird 0
Yeah, I just looked it up. The only private property is single family homes or farms. They said parking lots for apartment buildings with more than 4 tenants is considered for public use. Whether or not it's privately owned. They also specified property provided by an employer for employees to park their vehicles.
saintlos 0
interesting. too bad for the OP ;(
hedgehogs 0
Drunk driving kills. I don't know what they do to drunk drivers in Wisconsin, but I hope it includes hearing victim impact statements after a conviction of vehicular manslaughter. Stop that right now.
blacklblskate54 0
YDI you ass. Drunk driving is terrible. I hate you.