Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML
Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I had to go get my fiancé's car so it wouldn't get impounded after he was arrested at 12 a.m. and charged with a felony. I just got out of prison in March, and we get married next week. FML
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML
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Top comments
blobzorz 0
this is a huge ydi. don't drive drunk idiot
Nakedsquirrel 5
Go to ******* hell, OP. Here's hoping you wind up with your head inside a tree trunk sooner or later. Two of my friends have died thanks to people like you.
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Comments (173)
markisunder0ath 0
I love snickerdoodles cause cause she said "old granny" I thought I was the only one who said that.
markisunder0ath 0
just cause* not cause cause >.<
bozodaone 0
how do mouth breathers like this even get a job? hai I was arrested for DUI because Im an inbred and ifeel like the people of fml need to know. this app is like 99% ydi.
Holybatman 16
Seriously, #62? "mouth breathers like this" account for a large part of the population, and I'm pretty sure posting stupid insults on the internet about someone you don't even know is more a sign of being inbred than driving under the influence is (also, would it kill you to write properly when insulting somebody?). Besides, almost everyone who commented on this FML did so out of a false sense of righteous superiority, so they could all show the world how good they are (except for those who've lost friends/loved ones to drunk drivers). I've never driven drunk, and I don't condone it, but I don't condemn those who do it with ridiculous insults, because most people that I know who do it are intelligent, normal people. By the way, barely anyone has commented on the "FML" part of the story, that being that the OP had noone else to call to bail him out but his ex, who is conveniently engaged to the OP's boss. That would probably have been one of the the most awkward nights ever...
letitbe56 0
You know people who drive drunk? Honey, they are neither intelligent nor normal if they're doing that...and neither are you if that doesn't freak the shit out of you.
idkweird 0
#94: It's not necessarily out of superiority. I have had quite a few friends arrested for drinking while driving. I also know people who's lives have all but been ended by drunk driving. We have a friend of the family who didn't die, but he was working on his PHD, and now he will never be able to live on his own again. He had to re-learn how to talk, walk, ride a bike, tie his shoe, etc. It's like the popular poster tells us, not everyone dies. I also work in the medical field and get to see the effects left behind. Read the stories of the people who have their lives altered forever because of drunk drivers. It's not necessarily out of superiority that people don't drink and drive. I tend to think it's more out of respect for human life. It's thinking ahead. It's taking in the full weight of how your actions can affect other people.
idkweird 0
#105: They can very well be intelligent and normal. Alcohol impairs judgement. It doesn't just impair the judgement of stupid people. It impairs judgement equally, regardless of your IQ.
redbluegreen 41
When someone gets behind the wheel of a car, they're expected to know the rules of the road and follow them. The driver is in a MACHINE and if they swerve and hit someone on a bike or on the sidewalk, it is not the pedestrians fault. You can't /always/ move in time. The guy who drives 50 down a neighborhood street because he needs his daily bag of Cheetos and hits a little kid, or the girl that swerves around a school bus killing the kid crossing (it happens more than you'd think) deserve it every second. If someone is going to be drunk driving in their apartment complex, they deserve it as well. There's a reason pedestrians always have the right of way, but there's also a reason it's illegal to jaywalk, at least here. I had an uncle killed simply because he was putting groceries in his car in the parking lot and some moron decided to drunk drive around a parking lot and hit him.
everydayisfml07 3
I really don't think the point of OP posting the FML was to lead people he believed to kill someone or the fact that he got a DUI, more so just that his ex-girlfriend and her fiancé had to pick him up ( = major embarrassment)
idkweird 0
And I think what everyone else is pointing out is that, a little bit of embarrassment is nothing compared to what COULD have happened. He got himself into the situation, I don't feel bad for him.
bozodaone 0
no he said he had a few numbers memorized and called the ex, If it's a matter of huge embarrassment then.... don't call that person. dudes IMO trying to brag about his badass incarceration and he's right for doing it because we are all jealous.
hayride1987 0
LOVE how you say "parking lot" as if that makes it any better that you were drinking and driving... you expect us to think that you just drive around your parking lot but dont actually leave!! haha classic, epic fail! YDI
glen12 0
wow jeez settle down for all u no he might have only been over by 0.01 it doesn't say he was blind most DUI records are made of people just over the limit
redbluegreen 41
The thing is, my dear, the OP didn't specify if they were in a car, walking, or anything else. We're going with being in a car since that would be the typical DWI. They were probably being a nuisance of themselves to be both noticed and arrested. You can stop being offensive any time now. I think I agree with another commenter, about how it doesn't matter how much you drink, it's not okay to be behind the wheel of a car.
janise 2
@whodatnation True although he probably would have said if he was innocent to increase the likelihood of getting sympathy