Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML
Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I had to go get my fiancé's car so it wouldn't get impounded after he was arrested at 12 a.m. and charged with a felony. I just got out of prison in March, and we get married next week. FML
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML
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Top comments
blobzorz 0
this is a huge ydi. don't drive drunk idiot
Nakedsquirrel 5
Go to ******* hell, OP. Here's hoping you wind up with your head inside a tree trunk sooner or later. Two of my friends have died thanks to people like you.
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Comments (173)
Severd 0
I noticed it doesn't say what he was driving. it could be a bicycle, horse or even a wheelchair and in some places you can be arrested for DWI (I think Michigan has that not sure though)
imdeborah 0
I agree with snickerdoodles, it the OP actually did drive drunk. the sad part is that some people think it's cool to drive drunk. I have even less sympathy for the people that drive drunk, crash
janise 2
@elle39 you are an idiot. please don't reproduce.
imdeborah 0
snickerdoodles, I think it's a tad obvious that if this were an FML about somebody getting INJURED by a drunk driver instead, people would still say 'YDI for not being observant'. after my couple of days of being here, I realize that some of these people hae no compassion at all for those who do get hurt.
bozodaone 0
What does that change? To be honest if you're drunk and driving a horse, bicycle or a wheelchair there needs to be a greater punishment than jail for a few hours. Come to think of it, it seems like we're not getting the full story. Is the justice system really at a point where a DWI is only some small time in jail until someone posts bail, and that bail is a small enough fee that your ex girlfriend would come there and pay it?
samsam23t 8
a car or horse is deadly a bike hurts like hell and a wheel chair well that's a personal walking simulation device. if he was in a wheelchair something could have been wrong with op that he needed it . I agree that either way its stupid but if the punishment doesn't match the crime I beg to differ
buttshapedfruit 0
wow WTF! does snickerdoodle reply to every single comment on here? dam get a life xD
GodBarack 5
Go snickers!
bozodaone 0
Buttshapedfruit sure thought his side of the argument out.
redbluegreen 41
@imdeborah: I'm going to forward you to one of my most proud of "YDI" comments. http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/3791674#c_3150235 Some people like to just be assholes because they think it makes them edgy.
glen12 0
it's called random breath testing and don't call me darling or other stupid names to make yr self look cute
grimpow_fml 0
I would have just claimed to not know any numbers by heart on account of overuse of speed dial. I wouldn't wanna get picked up by them by a longshot