Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML
Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I had to go get my fiancé's car so it wouldn't get impounded after he was arrested at 12 a.m. and charged with a felony. I just got out of prison in March, and we get married next week. FML
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML
Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
blobzorz 0
this is a huge ydi. don't drive drunk idiot
Nakedsquirrel 5
Go to ******* hell, OP. Here's hoping you wind up with your head inside a tree trunk sooner or later. Two of my friends have died thanks to people like you.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (173)
redbluegreen 41
I don't need to look cute; I'm not trying to impress anyone. Everything you're saying just makes you look more and more like a witless idiot. You're defending the OP as if you are the OP, and your lack of composure really takes the cake. We don't know what the OP was doing, as already mentioned previously, or were you reading? How would you know any better than we would? It's impossible unless you were either the OP themselves or the cop, which I doubt. We are just going with the most common/likely reason to be arrested for a DWI. Public intoxication isn't something to be very proud of anyway.
Sheslikeheroin 0
ohhh burn. sorry pal
kev_213 0
the OP said in my own apartment building, from the wording i think it was underage drinking, not DWI.
letitbe56 0
Actually, I think DWI means DWI. Otherwise he would have written "underage drinking."
letitbe56 0
Wow, I'm surprised there aren't more YDI's on this. If he was driving drunk, he's lucky that the FML isn't, "Today, while driving drunk, I struck and killed a young man who was on his way to go propose to his girlfriend. FML." Seriously, asshole, you deserve it.
BlueTwist89 0
YDI for drunk driving. At least they picked you up.
dragonwarrior 3
YDI thats all I got to say Dont drink and drive!
MissyWissyKach 0
whats a DWI? i thought it was DUI
Jasper8713 2
#108: DUI stands for "driving under the influence"... DWI stands for "driving while intoxicated". In some states, there is no difference between the two. In others, a DUI is a lesser offense than a DWI. In states where the terms are used to reflect being under the influence of drugs and alcohol, the DUI is reserved for illegal drugs, where the DWI is reserved for alcohol.
cabbitt 0
At least they came...
Beli_fml 0
I completely agree with snickerdoodles. I mean driving drunk...? come on dude! that's bull.
trizzieb 0
Cute quote 14 but it's "innocent until proven guilty."