Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML
Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML
Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
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Top comments
f_alltheirlives 3
Dime sacks? Plums? You should trade those in for a pair of regular testicles
fakeaccountX 6
Attention all FMyLife users. Testicles. That is all.
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Comments (187)
underguarded 20
FYL. who calls their testicles , Plums?? be more careful.
navy_brother95 0
suck but still cant b that bad on balls that small rigt?
nmillamane 0
When I read this, I thought you were talking about dime sacks of weed. You should have just said testes, nuts, balls, etc. :)
ROFLBERRYPIE 0
Huh??
SirPlagueRat 6
Dime sacks? Plums? I just want to click YDI now.
alexhoney 0
Man up.. what's so wrong with saying balls? :(
SMRF 0
dime sacks? WTF plums? WTF just fuckn sat balls or nuts little prude ass girl
G00DA 0
I like your slang I am going to start using those words haha awesome.
mike3775 39
Nuts, balls, nads, crown jewels, all would have been better to use than dime bags and plums
Rsok 0
thts wat I call a fire crotch
Antropolis7 0
#61 way to find a way to use that term. Kudos, Paris.