Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML
Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML
Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
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Top comments
f_alltheirlives 3
Dime sacks? Plums? You should trade those in for a pair of regular testicles
fakeaccountX 6
Attention all FMyLife users. Testicles. That is all.
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Comments (187)
josh3847 0
Should of paying closer attention when going any near the family jewels
rudikk99 2
lol ;) sirry
LightningLadyy 0
How many terms for balls can you use in one FML? I'm sure someone will find out.
rallets 23
lmfao right to the nuggets
mintcar 10
What is "should of?"
brianjman14 23
Oh my god, if we're old enough to know what "FML" stands for, then we're old enough to see the word "balls." YDI, just for naming your balls "plums" and "dime sacks." I mean seriously, even "snow globes" is better than that.
fakeaccountX 6
Attention all FMyLife users. Testicles. That is all.
alex0689 1
lol 50
lilmissy1290 0
considering that icy hot is washable ydi for being dumb and letting your balls burn..
lilmissy1290 0
considering that icy hot is washable ydi for being dumb and letting your balls burn.. hell soap water and some olive oil will remove it and make it stop burning.. (good for if you accidently apply too much)
KitKatKate98 0
I actually thought OP was refering to her b00bs when she said plums. I don't blame him.
LordXavier 0
I always think washing it makes it worst... maybe that's just me
lifeinhd 3
Yes, because that totally makes sense after he said he was applying it to his thighs.
ScaughtieHolden 11
Lmao 17
RedJester23 6
lol your nicknames made this fml funny
8trickster8 0
omfg dime sacks and plums wut?! ROFLOLMAO!!!!!!!1111one
f_alltheirlives 3
Dime sacks? Plums? You should trade those in for a pair of regular testicles
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
He's obviously a penny pinching fruit enthusiast.
writergirl69 0
BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALL BALLS BALLS BALLS it's okay, you can say that on the Internet
kmknotek 0
you made my day(: lmao
boomboombitch 3
you read my mind
WingsFan80 4
and he said dime sacks, I didn't know you could have more than one?
Danny_B 4
Plus a dime is tiny.
chasin_butterfli 0
This made my day. lmao
mageoreh 0
I've got balls of steel!
rockhound 0
"Balls of steel" doesn't mean shit if they're the size of BBs. Should've went for "shot put balls".
jckbco 0
3, my thoughts exactly
quin01 0
damn straight
corkscrew8888 0
lmao yea ikr. and its really not that bad, grow some and you'll be fine
captainahob 0
You spell honour like a Brit!
j4ym4n 2
...um. it is hour. not honour.
BlargHonk 0
Uh, no. Honour is the British spelling of hobor, not hour. Lrn2English, n00b.
Steffers183 7
Wow. It's amazing how ignorant some people can be.
BahahahLOL 0
Canadian too.
Lifes_a_bust 0
Where in the hell do you see the word honour?
_HeadShot_ 0
116 - in #4's comment
TheOptimist 0
Yet another reason to question the survival of humanity.
Choconumm 8
Ha you has been starilized fyl
unidentified_sta 5
That was nonsense. Please don't post.
giantsfan2010 23
Calm down guys, he's just calling op a pussy.
glenzhao2 16
Dime sacks? Plums? Seriously, who says that?
Peacewind 0
Apparently people from Jordan...the Middle-Eastern country...does.
HamsteronA 0
I found I had to read this at 3 times before I understood what it said, thanks to your bad grammar and terrible word choice. I thought you spilt liquid on your money then set your garden on fire. Also, what's icy hot?
attatood 8
Icy Hot is like A535, Ben Gay and the like. A Hot/Cold muscle rub.
DDPT2 4
Ben's gay, when did he come out?
lolol_BKYCHO 3
I lol'd.
BahahahLOL 0
^ I came.
nikeiro 3
lol omg
kyarush 10
so did I... all over her
DDPT2 4
163, you sicko you sharted on her!
flipfloperson 5
WIN!
chupacabra141 9
Poor grammar?
rooisRAD 4
You put it in a jock strap to make the ladies want your junk. Try it sometime.
Illblowyourmind 3
your dick in a box is also a good present for the ladies :)
perdix 31
Goodness gracious, great balls o' fire!
ilpapagrande 16
funny :)
FYLminerocks 7
Can you feel it?? Can you feel the burn?!
attatood 8
umm... OP is a guy and referring to his balls.
attatood 8
hehehe.... sadistic. I like the way you think :P
Alleged_Cranium 7
Dime sack!? Man, I'm sure mine are filled with quarters, or AU 50cent pieces.