Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML
Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML
Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
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Top comments
f_alltheirlives 3
Dime sacks? Plums? You should trade those in for a pair of regular testicles
fakeaccountX 6
Attention all FMyLife users. Testicles. That is all.
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Comments (187)
rawrimapenguin 0
ydi for saying dime sacks and plumss.:P foreal.:)
malisa916 7
I find your choice of words to replace "testicles" very amusing.
Nadinek98 0
who the Hell uses dime sacks and plums
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
When making a fruit salad you could use dime sacks to purchase plums
jackirose 0
wow tht made me laugh^_^
beeper91 0
did that once. i scrubbed that shit off it hurt so bad
TheCarlsenBros 0
haha when u said dime sacks i thought u were talking bags of weed
Nickel05 15
YDI just for the awful euphemisms youre using to describe your testicles. what are you, in middle school?
89Kele 0
Dime sacks? Plums?
jonny2x4 0
Can't anyone just say scrotum and testicles anymore?
JessieMongoose 11
LOL @ plums.
Feverrotes 15
What the hell is wrong with using creative terms to reference your balls? One of the only FMLs recently to make me LMAO. It would've been boring as hell if he used testicles or balls. Where is the creativity people?