Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML
Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML
Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
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Top comments
f_alltheirlives 3
Dime sacks? Plums? You should trade those in for a pair of regular testicles
fakeaccountX 6
Attention all FMyLife users. Testicles. That is all.
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Comments (187)
honeybeex3 0
Uhhh, FAIL much
phorcep 0
something tells me OP is a 62 year old hippie who just started using the internet.
cassey419 0
ya because so many hippies use icy hot
dwoody83 0
been there done that
xxreneexx65 0
dime sacks? in America we happen to call them balls… get an American dictionary! are ur parents like Penny pinchers that work on a fruit farm or something? FYL.
fireball941 6
what's with all the code words for balls? lol
isabelpalmtree 5
I love your terminology for balls.
3ph600v 15
you deserve it simply because you used such stupid terminology
woodenbo89x 4
Say it with me everyone: Balls. See that wasn't so hard. (ha, hard....it's like a pun)
Magician2000 2
And were you singing "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..." ?
bodnarfresh 0
Way to take my pun. Look at the earlier post.
epicsauce_urnot 0
i know a bunch of guys that put tiger balm on their BALLS and kept it their for a hour without getting caught