Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML
Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML
Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
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Top comments
f_alltheirlives 3
Dime sacks? Plums? You should trade those in for a pair of regular testicles
fakeaccountX 6
Attention all FMyLife users. Testicles. That is all.
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Comments (187)
holstarox 2
i like how almost every post is about what he names his testes...
skyeyez9 25
At least he didn't say happy sacks.
sp00ge 0
try having your psycho ex give you a handy and swap icy hot for lube. yeah. pure hell for about 30 minutes as it doesn't just wash off with water.
lolol_BKYCHO 3
Man I wish these things had a like button.
jenzilla 0
agreed. :P
lifes_a_b1tch 7
Lol, me too
onebihdouche 0
#6 win!!!
Asylum244888 0
ahem. Plums? Dime sacks? You sir, are a failure
elwooteh 0
Of all the currencies you could've picked to represent your balls, you picked the dime? Does that mean your testicles are dime-sized? You could've called them a half-dollar or something. YDI.
oliver86 8
I pick Australian fifty cent coins silver with 13 edges
FarSide 23
Plums, dime sacks. I bet you have a matching ballerina crotch too. FYL sissy, for not have the brass balls of an American.
fabo914 0
Dime Sack!? Oh I get it! You call it "dime sack" because your BALLs are a perfect 10! out of a 100!!!!!
rawrimapenguin 0
that wasn't funny. :l
skyiscool 0
dime sacks? why would you put your weed on your thighs?
jackirose 0
no dude...dime sacks...like your balls not weed:)
Arschloch04 0
I'm pretty sure Sky was being sarcastic.. >_>
Arschloch04 0
You remind me of my old little league baseball team. We were called the Fireballs.