Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML
Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML
Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML
Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, I had an allergic reaction to my deodorant. My armpits wouldn't stop itching, and by the time my shift was over, they were raw and bloody. FML
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
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Top comments
Charlie Given 28
sounds like you were sprayed by a blister beetle you're going to want to go to the doctor to get that treated using home remedies like baking soda or Benadryl ointment won't help had it happened to me if you have eucerin or boudoirs butt paste available in one of your local stores that works great for temporarily relief but you need a prescription ointment usually to fully get rid of it
RichardPencil 32
What was his name? You might have a sexual harassment suit against him!
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Comments (4)
Lora Wood 11
Thick paste of baking soda. If you can not apply yourself put the whole small box in the tub in a small amount of water.
RichardPencil 32
What was his name? You might have a sexual harassment suit against him!
Chazzster 32
Benadryl ointment is available without prescription from the drug store or grocery store. It works well on insect bites.
Charlie Given 28
sounds like you were sprayed by a blister beetle you're going to want to go to the doctor to get that treated using home remedies like baking soda or Benadryl ointment won't help had it happened to me if you have eucerin or boudoirs butt paste available in one of your local stores that works great for temporarily relief but you need a prescription ointment usually to fully get rid of it