Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML
Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML
Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
f_alltheirlives 3
Dime sacks? Plums? You should trade those in for a pair of regular testicles
fakeaccountX 6
Attention all FMyLife users. Testicles. That is all.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (187)
Emilyinroom483 7
YDI for using bizarre epithets for your testicles.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
Agreed.
lonely_heart_89 6
What in the hell is "icy hot"? He sounds like an "oxymoron" to me...
Fmyspam 0
It's a well known muscle relaxant.
macskapingvin 0
But still an oxymoron.
rallets 23
nope, at first its icy, then its hot..so not an oxymoron at all the only moron here appears to be you
cerulean_rules 2
It's like jumbo shrimp. It's real, but it's name is an oxymoron.
3p1c_fml 1
kinda like "smart commenter"...
Illblowyourmind 3
the OP said it "sounds" like an oxymoron so stop being asses about and shut up :)
xXgUeSsWhAtXx 9
#91 actually jumbo shrimp isnt an oxymoron shrimp isnt refering to size but to the fish or whatever it is =)
Namenlos_fml 20
I lost any and all respect for you once you started to call them "dime sacks"
MissEvilTwin 0
Ydi for calling them dime sacks
MissEvilTwin 0
And for having sore thighs
DocBastard 40
Considering OP can't say the words "scrotum" or "testicles", what do you think he meant by "thighs"?
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
Dollar bills and Bananas?
ImaginaryFoe 1
It's still a valid question if you change ****** to penis.
sourgirl101 29
Oh your poor bollock! I bet your left one got the worst of it. I've heard the left (though smaller) always hangs lower than your right one.
dsalerno16 0
actually the hand you favor decides which is larger. lefty, left nut. righty,right nut. however fyl dude
wwerulez14 6
Anyone else laugh at the fact that not only couldn't he say testicles, he used two different words to reference them? I just found that hilarious.
at0micmin3r 23
...Dime sacks? ....Plums? YDI for not using scientific terms. testes, son.