anonymous
United States
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
United States
Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML
Monty
United States
Baked
Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven, I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was only wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and, um… stuff. FML
Anonymous
Third degree
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
It feels fucking awful
Pucker up
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
foolmetwice
Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML
SpontaneousAM
Pittsburgh, United States
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
thatchick3333
United States
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
home owner
United States
Headshot
Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head, while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water, but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
teflon_hammer
Colorado Springs, United States
Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML
Top comments
biggestfan23 11
I like burned butts and I cannot lie!
sqeakyclean 7
What's the matter with you?
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Comments (91)
smartassking 0
Madness T_T
VoteForTaco 8
Madness? No, THIS IS SPARTAAAAA
TuLegit 4
Kick*
smartassking 0
Lol xD
LunaDragon 10
Wish 29 was between 9 and 18. :p
muzy 23
Is it weird that it's annoying me that he put 'no' in the quote :| ?
Jiplo 18
Yes it is, but it isn't. Or is it in just a way that it really is but just seems that it isn't?
joshuaUNWRITTEN 0
Cool, Now we know you have a big ass!
KeyboardWarrior 10
We do...?
muzy 23
38- Never ever trust someone who capitalises a word after a comma or else....
xnickyxboox 6
you could've just warmed up with ur towel or robe...
biggestfan23 11
I like burned butts and I cannot lie!
KeyboardWarrior 10
Kinky.
tylersign 11
I prefer a nice crispy, golden brown. I heard that burned stuff poses health risks.
KiddNYC1O 22
Ahh, nice.
j_cat187 20
You otha brothas can't deny.
ChristyBVB 8
But when a girl walks in with that itty bitty waist and that burn butt in mah face! :3
LMA0 5
I get sprung!
JoeLouisBomber 9
Now put a didlo near the heater wait until you hear sizzling and insert in anus
sqeakyclean 7
What's the matter with you?
aruam365 24
Must have something up his ass...
a1f0sff 25
No need to get those mental images burned into my mind!!
JoeLouisBomber 9
Many many things though i dont have anything in my ass other then shit
KeyboardWarrior 10
You should wipe better. It'll help with that.
j_cat187 20
I get it, #6 is a rapist.
enopola 5
Thank god you were hear to break the news Tom Brokaw.
fallslikedominos 10
What type of freaky shit. . .
Wederoney 16
You must have a hot ass... if you know what I mean ;P
muppetslover 11
That sounds like something I would do... But at least you know you've got a bubble butt and all the guys will be checking you out! Or maybe they'll just be looking at the burn...
DocBastard 40
I always knew you had a hot ass.
DrMime 10
Same joke as number seven, you get thumbed up, he gets thumbed down. LIKE A BOSS!
RedPillSucks 33
Because he didn't say "if you know what I mean".
coried91 28
His army of minions follow him and thumb him up as soon as he comments! Go Doc!
DocBastard 40
Ack...I hadn't noticed #7 when I wrote my (admittedly stupid) comment. Dammit.
toenibbler 14
Doc, you nearly always make original comments. You are allowed to slip up from time to time, it is only human.
DrMime 10
You sit on the heater too? In that case there's a few rules to follow, never sit directly on the metal, always have a big blanket, and last but not least, don't try to pleasure yourself on the heater, there is an upward air current... Especially if you don't have a big blanket...
MizzErikaHart 8
Sounds like a fire hazard.
DrMime 10
At that point it becums 'dodge the flying lava'.
toenibbler 14
When the actual f*ck would that ever seem like a good idea?
ChristyBVB 8
When you get out of the shower and your house is cold. And yo booty née to be warmed up. c: