Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML
Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML
Today, I was going to hook up with a new girl. She told me not to shower or wear deodorant when I came over, which I thought was a little odd but went along with. As we were getting warmed up, she started licking my sweaty armpit and moaning loudly. This is probably too weird to tolerate. FML
Today, I noticed my girlfriend wiping her sweaty armpits with the small towel that I always use to wipe my face with after shaving. Now I know why the towel smells so bad. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML
Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
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Top comments
MerkathonPro 0
When I first read this, I saw "If she wasn't applying it to"... Is it wrong if I thought crotch first?
gunmania0 12
There are two ways you can get herpes... just don't let her give you a Blowie...
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Comments (94)
jman730 0
Fiji or Matterhorn?
kaykay20 0
Just to clarify herpes doesn't always show up in a test. The best way to determine if someone has it is if they have a outbreak. Op I'd keep a look out for them since they can spread to other parts of the body (so get a new deodorant). If it's herpes simplex one theirs only ointments at the store to treat it since its not as frequent or as sever as herpes simplex 2. Over time the ointments should help lessen the outbreaks.
ney89 0
You mean cold sores yeah? Not genital herpes
modernbenoni 8
Cold sores are the herpes virus, just in a different part of your body... Genital herpes is just another instance...
jamesrod885 6
get off of fml and ask her what's going on
loserman67 36
And you believed that? OKAY................ does Google say anything about it hiding **** breath from giving random guys knobbers? Maybe you better think about that one.....
perdix 31
You are just in denial, buddy. Yes, herpes is bad, but cockal stinkage is even worse. Before you walked in on her trying to get your scent off her lips, you missed that she had just gargled Drano.
monty13 6
Herpes Simplex Virus.... Also know as the cause if Cold sores (fever blisters)!
MaryPoppins88 14
Wtf.
carlosantana0219 2
You look fine in your profile pic. Is that really you?
Jak212 0
could of been your toothbrush
Dcm210 19
ewww get rid of her.