Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML
Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML
Today, I was going to hook up with a new girl. She told me not to shower or wear deodorant when I came over, which I thought was a little odd but went along with. As we were getting warmed up, she started licking my sweaty armpit and moaning loudly. This is probably too weird to tolerate. FML
Today, I noticed my girlfriend wiping her sweaty armpits with the small towel that I always use to wipe my face with after shaving. Now I know why the towel smells so bad. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML
Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
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Top comments
MerkathonPro 0
When I first read this, I saw "If she wasn't applying it to"... Is it wrong if I thought crotch first?
gunmania0 12
There are two ways you can get herpes... just don't let her give you a Blowie...
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Comments (94)
Chavez45 2
Dude do yourself a favor and get checked lol Then get her some meds and help her out
bubo_fml 11
Quickly! Speed stik 2 ur dick!
Art_Chick84 0
sorry dude
SAINTSFANUSA 3
Tell her you saw her & ask her why ... partners need to be honest even bluntly honest. If your Google search is her reason for doing so, tell her you know. It is pathetic that she put you at risk when it is very common to get a fever blister. Fever blisters are also easily treated. Odd that she would know to use such a thing... sorry but sounds like she has exposed others before. I would be scared at what else she may be hiding. Log off & go to your nearest hospital. Get a full battery of tests. Dump her butt for not being honest.
harrywestt 0
STD's a gift that keeps giving
Okayitwasme 0
Man! I would be asking her how many times she used it without you knowing! That's just fricken gross! Sorry OP
fenixtorador1 11
Derp a derp! She's got the herp! Danger Will Robinson! Danger!!
jbaby69 0
Mmm sexy. Good luck?
pabuie37 1
There are 2 types of the herpes simplex virus. Simplex 2 is the sexually transmitted one but virus one only causes cold soars.
3yellowzebras 19
Umm no, you are so wrong
r0ckoman 0
wrap it before you tap it