Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML
Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML
Today, I was going to hook up with a new girl. She told me not to shower or wear deodorant when I came over, which I thought was a little odd but went along with. As we were getting warmed up, she started licking my sweaty armpit and moaning loudly. This is probably too weird to tolerate. FML
Today, I noticed my girlfriend wiping her sweaty armpits with the small towel that I always use to wipe my face with after shaving. Now I know why the towel smells so bad. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML
Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MerkathonPro 0
When I first read this, I saw "If she wasn't applying it to"... Is it wrong if I thought crotch first?
gunmania0 12
There are two ways you can get herpes... just don't let her give you a Blowie...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (94)
FYLDeep 26
Habits like those can get you in trouble. If she's already sharing deodorant with you, she could be sharing needles, or sharing partners. I wouldn't do anything intimate with her until she's tested. And by all means dump her if she's positive. You don't need something that's going to stay with you longer than she probably will.
Attica 20
are you really jumping from deodorant borrowing to needle sharing? Really...
FYLDeep 26
It's not sanitary. Just like hat sharing can lead to lice, and toothbrush sharing can lead to herpes. Besides, it's not like her tendency to borrow someone else's items is the only thing about the FML that points this direction. She was applying deodorant to her mouth... That's not normal.
rasta_pasta 4
I'm with #53, that's not trustworthy behavior.
TheChad85 1
Is it genital herpes or a cold sore? Huge difference both are considered herpes though; a cold sore is herpes simplex 1 and genital herpes is simplex 2. Don't dump her for a cold sore (but don't let her go down on u either), but why is she using your Deodorant? For sure creepy
ChaosAngel17 14
Depending on the deodorant it can have soothing effects? Not to sure but I think something aloe based.
wormshero 1
The way aerosoles are stored make it possible to freeeze and kill cells
TheChad85 1
49 -I've heard that but never tried, can't recall having a cold sore ever either tho
kareltje 17
Share everything, until death do you part :D
sillyjb 9
Is there a valtrex scented deodorant ?
thefuckinloser 6
well its probly to late you have to wait for your flare up
kalbrek009 20
19, you would know this how exactly? Not personal "trial & error" experiment I hope...I could understand the deodorant, but perfume?.....dangit now I have to google that to see if you're right, cause girls could save sooo much money using perfume instead of buy abreva or some other costly meds.
wormshero 1
Jeez, looking at these comments i can only presume the average reader islike 10 years old.. When its at the mouth, its a cold sore. THe virus is hidden most of the time but you can still pass it on. 80% of people have this strain of the virus, so if you've ever kissed anyone you probably have it. It cant be passed from mouth to genitals, so no need for the hysterica there. Education is a wonderful thing people!
lauraaaaaa_fml 7
The strain of herpes that causes cold sores CAN be passed from mouth to genitals. Sorry if you've already ignored this and had oral from someone with a cold sore, but you may be due for an outbreak of genital herpes one of these days...You're right about 80% of people having the cold sore herpes virus though, so don't think OP has much to worry about - his girlfriend probably hasn't been doing the dirty, just got a cold sore outbreak because of stress or something.
wormshero 1
Technically true, i guess, although a) the odds are much slimmer and b) as most people had the strain beforhand their body will be apt at creating antibodies for the virus and subsiquently the chances of a flare up are even slimmer.
HaraAishi 8
It's still possible. I've seen it happen, not to me personally. If you pop the oral sore then go down on your partner then they can get it genitally.
DirtyJerzey8083 7
You are sincerely misinformed! Herpes simplex 1 AKA cold sores, can be transferred to the genital area. It does not make it herpes simplex 2, it just makes it the cold sore strain of herpes on your genitals. And vise versa, u blow someone's with simplex 2 and u can get it on your lips, mouth area etc. it's so contagious you can spread it without visible symptoms even though that's rarer. But true indeed, 1 out of 5 people have cold sores
Llamacod 11
Uhh dirty jersey, I don't know how you convert fractions to decimals and decimals to fractions but your way is wrong. 80% is actually 4 out of 5 people or 4/5ths not 1 out of 5 which is actually 20%
Tmoney20 3
Stop being an fml nazi please! Im sure many of these readers as well as me knew that already. It doesn't mean we can't have a little fun with it!! in sure there's old people sites you can go too if were too immature .. Have a nice day!
beebeeL 1
:O
desireev 18
Omg! This FML is a classic example of when someones life really sucks! I expected peoples comments to be saying "that sucks! So sorry!" and instead, I see alot of not-so-educated people trying to give a lesson on herpes. Everyone needs to stop posting shit about the type 1 and type 2 shit. There are seriously like 50 comments about it already!! It's getting old!!
carlosantana0219 2
Yeah, we'll I'll bet you learned something though.
desireev 18
Yeaaaaah... No not really!! I learned that entirely too many people know way too much about herpes! And that is slightly disturbing!!!
kaykay20 0
Nothing wrong with being well educated about a highly contagious STD. If they don't have it then they know how to avoid it and if they have it they know how to treat it which is a good thing. I'd be more disturbed if they didn't know anything about it or about any other high contagious STD's.
EpicSquishii 21
Stop being an ignorant bitch. There's nothing wrong with being educated. If all you have to offer is "I'm Sorry your life sucks so much" then that's all you need to say. Obviously a ton of people were misinformed about herpes and now they've been set right on the subject. It's a great thing, it helps people stay safe AND reduces panic about it. Knowledge is power.
TheChad85 1
155 -I applaud u and your knowledge. Other girl, u have a nice face.. Try not to get genital herpes all over it.
sjhill 32
oh dear. i'd get yourself check sooner rather than later