Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML
Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML
Today, I was going to hook up with a new girl. She told me not to shower or wear deodorant when I came over, which I thought was a little odd but went along with. As we were getting warmed up, she started licking my sweaty armpit and moaning loudly. This is probably too weird to tolerate. FML
Today, I noticed my girlfriend wiping her sweaty armpits with the small towel that I always use to wipe my face with after shaving. Now I know why the towel smells so bad. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answered, "Well, you don't kiss me often either." Now she keeps kissing me. FML
Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML
Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
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Top comments
MerkathonPro 0
When I first read this, I saw "If she wasn't applying it to"... Is it wrong if I thought crotch first?
gunmania0 12
There are two ways you can get herpes... just don't let her give you a Blowie...
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Comments (94)
Rawrrrrx3 4
Wait, what if she doesn't have herpes? Maybe she has Pica, that disease where people eat non-edible things.
MontesC 0
Dear Yahoo, I've never heard someone say "i don't know, lets yahoo it!" Sincerely, Google
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
Horrifying shit dude...now just one more thing... does she apply it anywhere else??
pulore 3
Know how you feel! Dome months ago I happened to walk past the bathroom as my HUSBAND was running my deodarent up and down his ass crack! Now i have to keep a decoy deodarant in our bathroom and hide my real one an old purse in the closet!
LA_Barbie 11
Oh no! :(
DocBastard 40
I generally try to avoid any FMLs having anything to do with medicine, and this one is a prime example why. Every single one has numerous idiots trying to sound like authorities on the issue but who end up spreading misinformation and outright lies. This one is no different.
wittygirl 8
She's just given you the gift that keeps on giving. Time to dump and get tested
Xotoolyxo 16
Hhaha
ImafukNskittleYO 4
wow, she has a cold sore. throw you're deoterant away, and get a new stick. grab some blistex for her while your at it.
phuckejiu 3
Giggity alright
kate3101 15
Oh for God's sake! Getting a cold sore doesn't make you a *****, or gross or dirty or any of the other things people are assuming here. Yes, cold sores are the oral form of herpes simplex. Yes, you can transfer the oral type of herpes to genitals or vice versa. However, 80% of the American population are estimated to have been exposed to oral herpes. Cold sores are extremely common and, while annoying, are not a reason to dump someone. Having cold sores doesn't mean you also have genital herpes - the two things are different (HSV-1 and HSV-2). Just stay away from unprotected oral sex.