Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
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Top comments
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
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Comments (218)
ChiefLancaster 0
Hope that you have found a new girl that will suck it for you,, when you find her,, ditch the hot dog biting bitch,, She sounds scary,, get rid of her and quick,,
pussylikka69 0
technically thats a yes
evan40111 0
HO
Marcelb 17
this is what you do: don't have sex with her until she asks for it. At this point you show her the coat hanger you've been carrying since not having sex with her, and threaten to stab her in the vag with it if she ever asks again. see how SHE likes it. then politely ask for the bj again. ;)
katxoxolove 0
lmfao that's hysterical
66mustangrocks 4
dude i got that way b4 9 months haha :P
jorankay411 6
DAMN!!!!! Just the thought of that hurts me... AND I AM A GIRL!!!!! But I guess that is a pretty solid NO to the BJ... Sorry for your misfortune.
zimandme123 0
UGH!!!! can any body tell me what ydi means!?!????? :$
kaak12 3
you deserve it
rv0111 3
ydi for being pushy she obviously didn't want to. and it's not like girls are required to give head. my ex wouldn't do it and I still loved her. although I think it's cuz I lost it to her
IvyPalin 7
god just be happy your getting anything