Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
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Top comments
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
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Comments (218)
ChaosInACT 1
wow. people everywhere saying how awesome she is. u guys are unreal! if she asked him nicely to go down on her and he said he would rather saw her box in half, how awesome would he be? She seems VERY selfish frankly, unless she is happy not to be pleasured herself...
ChaosInACT 1
lol and one other thing - she may not suck your dick, but I bet a million dollars she will suck SOME guys dick one day. bummer huh.
muffinbuttman 0
XD the way things are going for you it's never going to be the footlong special and you just going to end up another weiny
MeleMallory 0
Some girls just don't like giving head. It doesn't mean we don't like sex, it just means we don't like pee sticks in our mouths. And Ops girlfriend sounds funny!
arisoccerxo2511 0
I suggest not asking her again lol
alxdakid 11
ydi lol asking what are u 13
BullletProof 5
So? You should respect her and her choice not to do it. It's kind of gross, and I don't blame her for not wanting to. I like how she put it, she sounds really funny. Stay with her. You want head that bad? There are prostitutes for that. Good on her for having self respect. Not that theres anything wrong with giving head (I do it myself) but some people are really proud, and it is degrading. Maybe if you tell her she doesnt have to get on her knees or something it will help.Or, ya know, suck it up (pun intended) because you're not gonna die from lack of ********.
ex_ff 9
If she's that aggressive now, imagine what she's gonna do later on in the relationship. I say dump her now before you get hurt.
XiaoWu 4
I'm disgusted by OP's and the authors of some of the comments in this thread. Let's get this straight; no one has the right to demand sexual favours from another human being! Your sexuality is ALWAYS your own responsibility, and if you don't find your sexlife with your partner satisfying, find another partner. Don't force your current one into something she clearly doesn't want!
serenek 6
oral is kind of gross, most girls dont like it and only do it to be sexy. the golden rule of oral is if you wouldent eat a burger that fell onto your penis, then you shouldent expect any ********.