Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
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Top comments
KrystleLynn 0
your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.
g3rusz 6
On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...
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Comments (218)
Thepunspotter 3
People assume so much its hilarious! Just because u had a boyfriend that was a jerk doesnt mean all men are pigs. It is possible to have a very good relationship without sex, but its probably 100 times harder for guys than it is for girls. I dont see why you can't have a loving relationship with some ******** thrown in, unless there was some big reason why not in which case just say something and 99% of guys will understand.
TWlSTEDxANGEL 0
You need to learn to pick your moments... Dont ask whilst she's eating and maybe you might get somewhere!
HighlandShadows 48
Not sure why you got down-voted. Timing and mood is important. Besides, you don't want to come between a pregnant woman and her food.
chacko448 3
dump her... not really
fastfish 3
If she won't have sex with you at all, shag her sister
FlamingColor 30
Don't ask anymore unless your a fearless person
Celestia_fml 6
Not every girl wants someone's... er, 'meat' in her mouth.
hynriech_lord 8
YDI
angrymexicanwee 8
Tell her not to threaten you with a good time lol
EvilLittleGirl 24
she sounds very cool
kenziebelle 10
33333 votes for you deserved it. I guess you really do. :D