Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML
Today, I had sex with my wife, only to be told that the sex was horrible, and to be given divorce papers. FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML
Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Attacksloth 33
What's with all of these sexless marriage FMLS lately? We need some aphrodisiacs up in here.
Rinat_fml 26
It doesn't sound like she's trying at all to make the sex work. FYL indeed.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (173)
mattrd_fml 31
sounds like it's time to get a mistress or a divorce.
LyricaSilvan 30
Something tells me there might be some bigger issues going on. Marriage counseling may be necessary.
rockwrench 18
Calling you a fuckstick makes me think shes pissed at you for something. So I'm guessing there might be more to the story?
cainchild 4
whyzat? cause chicks are too aweet and inocent to be assholes?
gabagabaheyu 10
perhaps you are better off jacking it than trying to stick it in that dragon on a wife.
FailStaff 15
There are literally billions of other women out there, that's what the make "late-shifts" for
EPIKxPANDA 13
I'm sorry, but this made me laugh lol
anthony99 14
Sounds like you married Melissa from The Hangover
ShadJV 0
Whether there is more to the story or not, that sounds like verbal abuse, especially when you're talking about something that is affecting your marriage. Maybe she's retaliating, maybe not, but for most people a sexless marriage isn't healthy. Either get marriage counseling or divorce.
Algorithm 24
If you think calling someone "fuckstick" is verbal abuse, I'd like a one-way ticket to the planet you're from.
JKPwnage 27
Might be time to look for a good divorce lawyer
amberBueker88 7
Sorry to say but it seems like she may be getting it elsewhere... I know if I'm not in the mood I'll tell my husband to watch **** but that's only because I was having a rough pregnancy and am now recovering from giving birth... Before that we said it 3-5 times a day!