Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML
Today, I had sex with my wife, only to be told that the sex was horrible, and to be given divorce papers. FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML
Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
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Top comments
Attacksloth 33
What's with all of these sexless marriage FMLS lately? We need some aphrodisiacs up in here.
Rinat_fml 26
It doesn't sound like she's trying at all to make the sex work. FYL indeed.
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Comments (173)
gunnerblaster 21
IDK man, sounds like things have already been pretty bad before this little '"Knock yourself out, Fuckstick".
tamesenicole 27
Start investigating OP. she might be getting it from someone else :(
tosdyke 16
****** is a vast commodity is the US, remind her she's not the only one that has one...
Algorithm 24
Yeah, 48, OP threatening to cheat on his wife is REALLY going to help spice that marriage up.
vikky538 29
Did you tell her that ********** and sex are not same.
Manic1 13
Sucks that she isn't willing to talk to you. Maybe suggest talking to a therapist together or separately.
abNormal62 23
Sadly it's amazing how many women stop putting out once the wedding ring is on the finger. The concepts of partnership and for better and for worse often goes out the door after the wedding vows or said. Too many people are getting married for the wrong reasons and never were truly compatible in the first place
KxHoneyCombxP 24
sorry, I found this quite hilarious
Joystik 1
this sounds mighty one sided OP, can't say FYL cuz Idk if you were being a fuckstick or not.
OneFourNine 9
Assuming you are reasonably good at sex and can make her enjoy it at least as much as you do: Keep the sock. Have a one night stand. Come back the next morning. When she starts questioning you, toss her the sock and tell her to "Talk to the sock, fuckhole" and get back out. Repeat until she gets it. If you cannot satisfy her sexually... use the sock and shut up.
Setareh23 34
Sure, cheating is always the answer. Great way to solve problems in a marriage. OP should definitely do that, I'm sure nothing could possibly go wrong.
acerredrum 23
I'm not sure but I THINK 64 is referring to the sock being the one night stand.
Setareh23 34
Nope, because he says to "come back the next morning" after having a one night stand. Wouldn't make sense if he was talking about the sock.
acerredrum 23
Re-read it and you are definitely right. He is a moron.
ProSwimmerFL 16
Buy some pheromone oil or son cologne she will be wanting the D, don't give up yet OP