Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML
Today, I had sex with my wife, only to be told that the sex was horrible, and to be given divorce papers. FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML
Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML
Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML
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Top comments
Attacksloth 33
What's with all of these sexless marriage FMLS lately? We need some aphrodisiacs up in here.
Rinat_fml 26
It doesn't sound like she's trying at all to make the sex work. FYL indeed.
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Comments (173)
thatisnotahat 10
Yo, maybe she's asexual.
cainchild 4
so before all the women come here bashing you, laughing and saying ydi. why are you still with someone who disregards your needs and verbally abuses you?
Gaeritto 5
did you happen to do anything to piss her off?
deejflat 17
Heartless. What did you do to get to that point? At least the sock doesn't make you feel bad if you don't want to spend time with it after. That really socks OP
Jason Einstandig 2
Sounds like it's time for a new wife!
lucasjames22 8
it sounds like your wife doesn't even like you. that would explain the no sex thing
carrs2154 9
I think that's the reason you have no sex life. She apparently doesn't like you.