Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Today, I came home to my daughter in her room, crying hysterically. She's been asking for a pet monkey for a few weeks, and my husband got tired of it and told her about Travis the Chimpanzee (don't look it up if you're squeamish). Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick. FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML
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Top comments
TheSuitGuy 0
There's a reason the signs say 'Don't feed the animals'.
MissGreenT 0
guess you could say you had a shitty day? FYL
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Comments (150)
kevind23 0
The poor chimp! OP, please stay far away from zoos in the future.
bugmenotmofo 34
asdf
beritis 0
i am sure this is the reason they have the sigh : "DO NOT FEED ANIMALS". you're retarded! Congratulations! :)
NorfolkDude 2
You should have taken a dump in your hands, and flung it at the chimp.
Ninjaface 0
Glad to see that they're actually enforcing the "don't feed the animals" rule. I have to say, crap grenades sound like quite a deterrant.
Mustardnight 3
This is the first fml where i actually laughed out loud. Feel proud OP, feel proud. If i could legally throw my shit at people i would rofl go CHIMP. Ydi OP
Emperor_Jim 0
Wait, I don't understand how that's possible. How can a chimpanzee be "cute"?
Hipsus 0
Hahaa! OP is a moron. Or perhaps you don't have the "don't feed the animals"-signs over there in the UK?
alpha_beta 3
I don't know if zoos in Northampton is any different from the zoos elsewhere,but there's usually a sign that states "DO NO FEED THE ANIMALS".You wanna know why we don't feed the animals?Because we don't want pieces of animal excrement thrown at us.
lololol111 0
lmaoaoao chimpanzees are br00tal there's been a couple occasions where they have taken human babies and eaten them. if you don't believe me , look it up !