Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Today, I came home to my daughter in her room, crying hysterically. She's been asking for a pet monkey for a few weeks, and my husband got tired of it and told her about Travis the Chimpanzee (don't look it up if you're squeamish). Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick. FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML
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Top comments
TheSuitGuy 0
There's a reason the signs say 'Don't feed the animals'.
MissGreenT 0
guess you could say you had a shitty day? FYL
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Comments (150)
TheRetardTracker 0
Your a ******* retard that deserved it
GriefBacon 0
Do! Not! Feed! The! Animals! YDI!
17Wonder 0
If you give a monkey a sammich, he is going to fling some poo. If the monkey flings some poo, it will explode onto your shirt. If the poo is on your shirt, your daughter will be disgusted. If your daughter is disgusted, you will write about it on FML. If you write about it on FML, people will critique you. If people critique YOU, others will critique THEM. If many people are being criticized, there are bound to be repetitions. If there are bound to be repetitions, originality is priceless. If originality is priceless, why aren't more people creative??? (with humble respect to "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.")
Foufinator 2
Made my day! Ever had a Chimp walk over and try to SHARE the sandwich? ;)
meunknown101 0
What is up with the stupid fmylifes stories today? First killing global warming and now feeding animals?! What's next?! >:OOO
Shannyn45 0
Global warming isn't even real.
That1GuyUNo 0
lol what a dumb bitch^^. go ahead, tell me 97.7 % of scientists are wrong you stupid *****.
omghehehe 0
That's funny shit. LOL
ayylash 0
goddamn those chimps with their explosive shit...
Bassplyer 0
your shirt must look pretty shity now...
Forn2 0
>_> bad pun
Zac555 0
read the sign...
Jimboom 12
Well.. you can't blame the monkey. You were the one who started throwing shit around. ;)