Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Today, I came home to my daughter in her room, crying hysterically. She's been asking for a pet monkey for a few weeks, and my husband got tired of it and told her about Travis the Chimpanzee (don't look it up if you're squeamish). Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick. FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML
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Top comments
TheSuitGuy 0
There's a reason the signs say 'Don't feed the animals'.
MissGreenT 0
guess you could say you had a shitty day? FYL
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Comments (150)
loto_fml 3
YDI. The real reason your life is ****** is because you're too stupid not to follow simple rules that are in place for a reason.
optimus_prime420 0
YDI.. Like everyone else said, don't feed the animals!! [; haha, ur stupidity made my night.
army1312at 0
its not like he threw a rock at it calm down
SarcasticAvenger 9
Hey, #30, you must be related to the moron....I mean the OP. Rules are in place for a reason, you don't feed the animals.
Spurschick88 3
Its not like you're supposed to feed the animals
auds23 0
well its your fault for throwing something at the chimp, because he didn't know if you were being friendly or aggressive. there's a magical little thing called following the rules, so when it says don't feed the animals it really means don't feed the animals.
Tigg3r 3
as said above, everyone knows rules are just suggestions. ( IDC about grammmar.)
doomshark101 0
he didn't feed it. he just threw food into it's cage
capthavoc123 0
Obviously you have never heard any joke about monkeys ever created.
Mzzangel 0
they tell you not to feed them for a reason!!!!! you TOTALLY deserved it
Mzzangel 0
on anoter note. only the gorillas get sandwiches. peanut butter with anti depressants in them actually.... from the zoo keeper. (the only way we can get them to take the meds)
did_it_4_lulz 0
Pun intended?
steevy831 0
Monkey see, monkey do? Doo doo?
midnightjoyride 0
Hahaha thats funney :)